The Thoughts of Rylie Black
by luv nikki
Summary: I am Rylie Black, I was married to Sirius Black. The convicted murderer. I am still married to him… I just haven’t seen him in 15 year. SBOC, a bit of JPLE, and RLOC. Some of story in MWPP era.[Fin]
1. Summary and Welcome

**Summary and Welcome**

Hey People,

I just wanted to tell you about this new story I'm doing, and as you can probably tell already it's called "The Thought's of Rylie Black". It's basically about Sirius's long lost wife and she's remembering back to 1st year, 2nd, 3rd and so on in till she gets to the part were Sirius goes to Azkaban. Then and she moves to Canada to start over. And she moves to Canada to start over. But Sirius still shows up in her head even after 15 years of not seeing him. The story goes from there. It's a little AU because I didn't want to kill Sirius off that would be a sad ending. And I hate sad endings. Well I don't Hate them more like dislike them… but anyway I'm getting off topic. So all just move to the longer version of the summary…

Thought's of Rylie Black – I am Rylie Black, I was once married to Sirius Black. Yes the convicted murderer. In fact I am still married to him… I just haven't seen him in 15 year, not since he got thrown in jail for supposedly murdering one of his best friends. That by the way is a lie. I now have the paper to prove it. I knew it all along. Only when he got sent to jail my life crumbled beneath me. This is the story of my past, and present. My future I cannot tell you though. Hopefully it will be better that some of my past. S/OC, some L/J and R/OC. Romance, Drama, Tragedy, and a bit of comedy to lighten it up.


	2. Thoughts Of First year

Thought's of Rylie Black

I never really got a divorce with Sirius Black. We never got the chance. For two reasons 1) we could never get out of hiding. 2) Sirius and I really never wanted one, we were in love, and I know this because he still consumes my head even today 15 years after I had last seen him. I also know he didn't do it. I've always known it. He didn't rat James and Lily out to Voldemart. He loved James like a brother and Lily like a sister. He wouldn't do that to them. He would die for James or Lily any day. Same as I would.

That day when I first flipped open the paper only to find my love on the first page with the words "He didn't do it after all" under his sexy picture. I swear I almost fainted. He was free Sirius Black love of my life was free. I read the article and eminently thoughts of Hogwarts and all my friends passed through my head.

-Flashback-

In my first year at Hogwarts I meet my two best friends Lily and Becca. Unfortunately along with them I meet the Marauders. Well maybe it wasn't that unfortunate…

I was climbing on to the Hogwarts train for the first time. I was as you'd guess extremely nervous. I looked but couldn't find a compartment so I chose a random one and opened the door pecking my head in and seeing two young girls the looked about my age looking back at me. One of then had wavy dirty blond hair down to her shoulders and was dressed in jeans and a tee shirt that said 'Girls can rock to!' She smiled.

"Can I maybe sit in here because all the other ones are taken?" I asked awkwardly

"Sure!" She said happily, the other girl nodded I glanced at her. She had a really extraordinary profile. Red hair down to her shoulders, and these really nice emerald eyes. She to was wearing jean although her shirt was a plane green color that suited her eyes nicely.

I sat down beside the blond girl.

"My names Becca, well actually Its Rebecca but I hate that name because it's so dull and really cheesy, I mean WHAT was my mom thinking. And yah" The girl blabbered "what's yours?"

"I'm Rylie" I answered quickly

I looked towered the Red head.

"I'm Lily" She muttered quietly

Wow, I thought. She doesn't talk much.

Suddenly the door burst open and 4 boys stood out side

"Some of the gay-ass 7th years guys kicked us out of are compartment" A boy that was dark haired said.

"Yah, can we chill here?" A boy with black messy hair and glasses said.

"Okay" Becca said happily "The more the merrier."

"Thank you" said yet another boy with sandy blond hair that looked warn-out but kind.

"No-problem I said moving down so someone could sit down beside me.

The first boy did and smiled.

"You're first year too?" He asked

"Yep" I said

"I'm Sirius Black and you lovely lady's are…?" The boy said looking at me in particular

"I'm Rylie Chestlare, That's Becca and there's Lily I said pointing around "And you boys are…?"

The boy named Sirius grinned slightly at my introduction.

The boy with the glasses who had taken a set beside Lily said "I'm James, That's Remus and there's Peter." He motioned to them. First to him self, then to the sandy haired boy. And then to this other boy that was, I'm sorry to say very disturbing looking. He was round and had a chubby face and a piggish nose. This boy "Peter" was sitting beside Becca grinning this weirdo grin showing his rotten, yellowing teeth.

I almost laughed at the look on her face witch was crossed in between trying to be polite and so obviously disgust. Luckily he went to the washroom 5 minuets after we got settled, and Remus took his seat.

I heard him whisper to her "Sorry apparently Peter gets weird around pretty girls" She blushed bright pink and muttered a 'thanks'.

I felt some one staring at me and turned my gaze to Sirius. He was looking at me intensely with these amazing silvery gray eyes that in my opinion were very sexy.

"Hullo" I said with a warm smile

"Hey" He said back while flashing me a big grin.

It was an adorable grin, and had this way of making my stomach give loud lurches.

"So…" I said searching for a topic to discuss that wouldn't lead into awkward silence.

"What house do you want to be in?" He asked with the grin still planted to his face

"Gryffindor" I flashed back at an impressive speed.

"Same" He answered

"Are you exited or nervous?" I asked him

"I'm not nervosa!" he said mock-outraged "I'm a man!"

"Alright then" I said rolling my eyes but laughed anyway

"I like you" He said bluntly

I looked at him quite shocked he would admit something like that. But in a weird way I felt as if it was right for him to say that.

"You're… nice." I said lamely

He laughed (Even then it sounded strangely like a bark)

"Nice save" He said with a sly smirk

"Okay…" I said totally lost in this bizarre conversation I was having with this Sirius boy. I hardly knew him!

The rest of the ride was spent in awkward conversations in till peter came back gassy. Shutter But by the end of the ride we were all laughing and joking about are first "smelly" ride to Hogwarts. I even saw Lily snickering although she was trying to hide it.

-End of the Flashback-

The first year was nothing but laughter and good times. All of us hung out together, we got really close that year. The boys in are group and the girls in are group sort of meshed together really well.

Sirius and I had a lot of laughs. But also little kid romance, you know the sweet kind were I'd kiss his cheek and we'd both blush the same shade of pink. All the teachers thought it was cute and are friends just teased us merciless.

Hey guy's,

Hope you liked the first chapter of my brand new story! I really was aiming for something totally different here. All the Ron and 'Mione romance was getting to me so I came up with this idea. Well I had actually done the first part of this story just for fun, but today I felt like posting it! There will be lots of sad part and lots of happy one's. Just know that I want a happy ending for this story. It's going to be approximately 10 chapters although the chapters will be quite short. It's just something that I really needed to do a short, sweet flick about whom else but are favorite Mr. Black! Enjoy.

Luv Nikki


	3. Thoughts of Second Year

**Thoughts of Second Year**

Second year didn't change much…

-Flashback-

It was the summer after 1st year and before 2nd. We were meeting up in Dagon Ally to get are Hogwarts stuff.

When Sirius first spotted me by the robe shop he pretty much sprinted to me knocking 4 people down in the process. When he ran up he almost knocked me over to by hugging me tightly.

"You're here!" He whispered pulling away and winked at me with a huge grin.

I grinned back

"Hey" I answered "where are the others?"

"There in the Joke shop… well the guy's are the girls I think are getting there books."

"Oh" I said Looking at the ground

"Want to go get some ice cream?" he asked

"Sure" I said blushing madly

We walked into the ice cream parlor

The old lady looked down at us smiling as she whispered something to the waitress.

We sat down at a table.

The waitress walked over

"What can I get you?" She asked smiling brightly

"Ummm… all have a scoop of cherry peanut" She had said quietly

The lady nodded

"And you young man?"

Sirius already had a big grin on his face

"All have a double scoop of chocolate chunk"

The lady again nodded and asked if that would be all, they said 'yes' and she left.

"What do you want to do when you get out of school?" He asked her

"Were only in 2nd year!"

"Yah… but I just want to know."

I looked up at him he had a cute little smile that was irresistible.

"I don't really know… I differently want to have a family, but I guess I'll pick my job when the time comes"

"A family ay?" he had his face resting in his hand, propped upby hisarm.

"Yah." I said

"I don't really have a family, my mom hates me, and my dad probably did when he was still alive and all my brothers do is beat me up."

Ilooked at him andmy heart almost cracked whenI realized he wasn't lying.I didn't know what to do or say…

"I'm sorry" was allI got out

He shrugged

"It's alright, I still have James and the guy… and you maybe?" He finished

Ilooked up at him

"You differently have me, and if you ever need anything I'm here for you" she vowed

He smiled at her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

* * *

We then were going to meet up with the guy's at The Leaky Caldron. We got there and I saw my two best friends along with my 2 good guy friends. I gave them all friendly hugs and sat down, ordering a ham sandwich. 

"So" Sirius started "Another awesome year"

"Yup" We all agreed

"Gees 2nd year already, amazing in 6 years from now we'll all be out of school" James said

"And Married!" Sirius commented glancing at me

I laughed

Lily looked saddened by the idea.

"I wonder if we'll still all be good friends." She questioned

James pulled her seat closer to his and put his arm around her comfortably

"Well always be friends" he said although it was more of a statement

"Yah! Becca said "because it would be really sad if we just totally forgot each other."

-End of flashback-

We never forgot each other. But after half are group had ended up dead or supposed dead everything just seemed to fall apart from there.

Lily and James died together, protecting there son. Who miraculously survived Voldemart. Soon after Becca was in a fight with a Death Eater (She was an Auror) after that no one saw her again. She disappeared. As you can probably imagine Remus was heartbroken. He never did quite get over the fact that they never found her body. The Ministry of Magic just pronounced her after 3 weeks without her being sighted.

So I lost both my girls and one of my guy friends.

* * *

Hey people, 

I Know that was really short but, nothing really happen in 2nd year. Believe me I tried to make it longer but nothing really came to mind. The Next chapters will be longer! I promise.

By the way I just would like to ask if anyone would like to Beta for me, just send a review and I'll pick the most interesting one.

Now for the thank-you's which I decided to do for this chapter because I really didn't think this story was going to be that popular but It turned out really good. I've got 10 reviews so far! That's the most I've ever gotten on the first chapter, so I was extremely happy!

Ericana – You were my first reviewer. So I really wanted to thank you. Here's your update… and the next one will be up soon!

madpoet08 – Loved your review. Thanks I think peter deserves a crapy description to! He's such a fat . Lol.

lillyskywalker3 – Hey I Haven't read THAT many Sirius/OC's but I really enjoy writing them. He's such a fun character and you can either make him really hot or really retarded. I like making him hot! Lol. And here's the new chappy, next one will be up soon!

forbiddenlight – Hello I remember you, you reviewed for Complicated to! Thanks so much! And AU means Alternate universe.

AllisonHill – Hey you reviewed for complicated to right? Yah. Well thanks!

Dream Weaver – Hey, Loved your review also. And I absolute agree with you on the comment peter sux! Because he does!

S.c.ou.s.er.4.li.f.e – Thanks so much!

Mago – I really wanted to answer some of the comments on this review mainly because there was a lot of excellent feedback! First, Yes I'm going to get a beta ASAP. Next, I know I need to make the chapters longer and I'm trying I really am! After this chapter don't worry because they get longer! This on was only like 2 pages on Microsoft word! I'm not going to rush the story but I don't want to drag it on like I've done one with another one of my stories. Thank you so much for you suggestions though! I appreciate constructive criticism almost more than I do just when people say the standard" I really like your story". It makes it way more interesting and helpful!

Stacey – Hey Thanks! I would e-mail you but see I really don't like giving out my e-mail because of e-mail viruses and stuff, or I would. Sorry!

Anyway thanks a lot to everyone!

Luv Nikki


	4. Thoughts Of Third Year

**Thoughts of 3rd Year**

3rd year was when James and much to my displeasure Sirius got a little cocky.

3rd year differently wasn't as bad as 5th year though. 3rd year was when James and Sirius become 'Hogwarts most wanted men' as me and Lily use to joke. Girls fainted at just there smile and a wink would usually bring tears of happiness. This made Lily, Becca and me laugh at there lowness.

We still stayed friends though. I think the reason behind this was Sirius still liked me and James asked Lily out every half hour. (This tended to get on her nerves A LOT!) She said "NO!" every time. I know why she never gave in to it though; for it was the same reason I never when out with Sirius in till I did.

It was because we did not wish to be played, like those Cheese head girls that even when to the lengths of forming a fan club. It was gross really sometimes I caught one of the members stealing a used tissues of James or Sirius's or some other sick thing. –Shutter-, Talk about DISCUSTING! And the time that girl sneaked up behind James and cut a lock of his hair. Ha ha I remember that girl… James chased her around the room yelling at her that now his hair would be even messier now. I think he scared the living daylights out of her to. Good for him… annoying weird-o's.

Anyway Lily and I were smart to do that; we might have ended up like the other if we hadn't waited.

Sirius never actually ASKED me out, but we flirted often.

-Flashback-

"Hey Ri" Sirius said sitting down beside me

I only nodded and continued reading.

"What yah reading?" He asked

"And old mystery novel" I replied shortly

"okay…" he said slowly "Are you mad at me perhaps?"

"Why would I be mad at you" I started, getting madder by the minute. "I mean you've only been an arrogant ass hole all this year!"

He just stared at me and muttered a

"Huh?"

"Oh never mind!" I said getting up and walking away, but he caught my arm.

"What's wrong babe?" He asked staring at me with those big silvery gray eyes.

"Just leave me alone!" I yelled yanking my arm out of his grip and running out of the room.

* * *

I headed out to find Lily and/or Becca and tell them about fat-headed Sirius. 

Then Lily would tell us about fat headed James and we could and have a slumber party and do nothing but bitch about are guys. Then we could eat ice cream and junk food.

I was walking to the library but was just in time to see Lily storming down the hall in rage muttering curses. When she saw me she immediately walked over.

"Hey, What sup?" she muttered so obviously pissed off.

"What are you two mad about?" came a voice behind me I turned to see Becca grinning at us

"Potters being a prick!

"Sirius's being an ass!"

We both yelled at the same time in annoyed voices

We looked at each other before dissolving into giggles.

There was laughing throughout out the castle halls as we walked up to the Room of Requirements. (The boys had showed us it 2nd year)

I walked in fount of it and opened the door. I walked in and laughed at what was there. Well for one there was a huge poster on the wall with a picture of James and Sirius, below them it said "we smell like cheese and are fat heads!"

Lily burst out in laughter as did Becca when they saw it.

There was also a big fridge in the corner that had a whole bunch of junk food in it. We all relaxed in the comfy chairs and stuffed are faces with candy and chocolate.

"Wow that poster is random" Becca said in between mouthfuls of m&m's.

"Yup" I said looking up at it, starting to snicker again.

"So… Becca what's up with you and Remus? You seem to be the only one of us that actually has a decent guy." Lily said

Becca went red

"She likes him!" I whispered to Lily although it wasn't much of a whisper

"Hey! Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Becca said trying to change the subject

"aaawww Becca and Remus Sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage then comes a baby in a baby carriage!" Lily and I sung laughing while Becca covered her ears and tried to drown us out.

Finally when we had finished I when to the fridge and got out a hot pizza.

"Wow I never thought I'd see the day when Pizza came out of the fridge hot!" Becca said she was so obviously on a sugar-high.

Lily, Becca and I burst out laughing.

There was a knock on the door

"Shit, who could, that be Becca said going to the door.

She opened it a peek and let a grinning Remus in, slamming the door on the other boy's faces.

We all laughed as Remus Joined the party, thankfully he brought a magical boom box so we drowned out the banging on the door from James and Sirius.

After a half a hour we eventually let them in.

"Suck up" James hissed to Remus who just smiled

"At least I didn't half to bang on the door for a half and hour"

We all laughed as I conquered up a few more seats.

"I hate the poster by the way!" Sirius whispered in my ear.

-End of Flashback-

That night was one of the many nights I will always remember because I can still picture the grins on all there faces… they were so young and happy. And now half of them are gone.

I felt a tear slide down my check. Those tears had been there for 15 years and longer. But at least 15 years ago I still had Sirius. Now I had no one.

* * *

Sort of short, I know but they do get longer! Write now I've just finished writing out the 6th year and it take's up 6 pages on paper, not double spacing. So yah I just need to type them up faster! Lol. Anyway I'll get the 4th year up ASAP. And I still need a beta! 

Luv Nikki


	5. Thoughts of Forth Year

Warning - Minor swearing in this chapter!

**Thoughts of 4th Year**

4th Year I thought sadly, 4th year was the year my parents had died. They were vacationing In Mexico when a violent earthquake had hit. They were apparently in there car, when it hit and had crashed into another car. Both cars were up in flames before anyone had time to get out alive.

That had been a hard year; Sirius had temporarily came out of his little arrogant stage because he knew I needed him. When I found out Sirius had been there to comfort me throughout the whole ordeal. He had hugged me in till I would fall asleep crying in his arms.

-Flashback-

"What's that?" Becca questioned looking down at the brown envelope with all the stamps on it.

"Oh, It's a letter from my aunt" I answered "Don't know what it's about though"

I looked down at the strange envelope. My Aunt Jane had never sent any letters before.

"Maybe you should open it" Lily suggested

"Thank-You captain obvious!" Becca said sarcastically

"No, she's right" I said tearing open the envelope and pulled out a letter. My eyes took a quick scan over it. I fainted.

The letter had said:

Dearest Rylie,

Oh Ryile, poor Ryile. Your parents have passed away while they were vacationing in Mexico. I am sooo sorry! If you need anyone to talk to I'm here. They have assigned me as your legal guardian for the time being. I will pick you up from the train station for there funeral tomorrow. I have already cleared it with your headmaster.

Love

Aunty Jane

"Rylie!" Becca was yelling in my ear

I felt all groggy and tired, wait where was I?

"Rylie!" Someone else yelled no wait that was Sirius.

I slowly opened my eyes

"Oh thank fucking god!" Sirius said pulling me into a hug "I thought you were dead."

I looked around; I was in the Command Room. Lily, Becca, Remus and James were all looking at me worried. Peter was there although he was more or less paying attention to the bugger stuffed up his nose instead. Then the letter came floated into my head again "Oh god" I thought and felt my body go limp in Sirius's arms.

The next day I woke up in my bed with something cuddly beside me. I looked down and found a plush-toy dog. It was adorable!

I hugged it close to me and cried for awhile but knew I should get up. The crew would be deathly worried after those little fainting spell in the commond room. I got up and had a shower. Pulling my kimono on, I when to find something to wear for the funeral.

My parent's were truly wonderful people. There weren't to rich nor to poor. They always loved me and would do anything to make me happy. Although they didn't buy me every toy in the toy-store or go let me go wild crazy in the candy store. They still would do anything. More tears passed down my check.

I opened my dresser and searched for something suitable to wear. I ended up picking a long black dress that my mother had bought me. It was laced up in the front and my mother hadsaid it looked great on me.

I walked down to find Sirius. 'Maybe He would come with me' I thought and my day seemed to get a bit brighter.

He was sitting on the couch.

He looked up as I cleared my throat.

"Sorry for falling on you" I said

He nodded understandingly patting the stop on the couch beside him and for once he didn't have that little funny glint in his eyes he looked… we he looked Serious. (No pun intended)

I sat down and told him about the letter pausing for a minute when I cried.

"Why don't you ask Lily or Becca to go with you to the funeral?" He asked afterwards

"Well I could but…"

"What?" He questioned

"I sort of… well I was wondering if… maybe… Oh screw this! Will you come?" I finally got out

"Oh, Of course I will."

"Thank You!" I said hugging him. "By the way" I asked "You wouldn't happen to know who put a cute stuffed dog in my bed last night would you?"

He went red. It was the first time I had seen him blush this year.

"Ummm… well that was sort of me" Sirius answered so obviously embarrassed

I gave him a half hearted smile and told him to go get a suit on.

* * *

The funeral was Horrible I remember it like yesterday. Almost everyone was giving me sympathetic looks that made me want to scream and punch someone. I don't think the people really realized that when a love one dies you just want to be alone, not have people surrounding you. Telling you there sorry for your loss when the really don't even care all that much. Not many of my parent's friends really liked me. They all thought I was a goody good or a loner. The ceremony made me cry. Luckily Sirius had some tissues in his pocket although I guessed his wand was involved with getting them there. 

"Hey Ri, who the hell are all these people?" Sirius asked out of the corner of his mouth

"My parents had a lot of friends" I whispered back

"Oh Rylie dear! Are you quite alright?" My Aunt Jane said. (She's a bit over-dramatic; See she's an actor trying to make it big in the USA. She lives in California right now, I think.)

"I'm alright"

My Aunt looked down at me disapprovingly with those big blue eyes; she was supermodel-skinny and it sort of made me sick to look at how she ate. She was a grown woman, I was a teenager and I ate more than her!

"Hunny how can you be okay? Your parents are dead."

Sirius tightened his grip on my waist.

"And who are you?" She looked at Sirius just now noticing him

"Sirius Black" He shock my aunt's hand

"Hmm nice name, has a boldness to it" She pondered out loud

"Thanks" He muttered

I knew for a fact that Sirius didn't like his family. He told me in 2nd year. His Mom was always pressuring him to hate muggle-borns and all.

"Well I got to go, I have an audition for a movie" She squealed. I flinched. Got I hate when she did that.

"See you kids"

She walked away

"Well…" Sirius trailed off

"Shhh" I said pressing a finger to my lips and specking in barely in a whisper "I need a few moments of silents after that ear wrenching squeal"

He snorted. I almost grinned for the first time that day.

-End of Flashback-

So we went through the rest of the funeral not really talking much except to say hello to a few of my relatives. It was a sad day; I don't know what I would of done if Sirius was not there though. It would have been rough. That year it got me and Sirius closer. It also brought us closer to something we didn't even know about back then…

* * *

Hey! 

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. This is differently one of my favorite chapters so far. I totally cracked myself up when I wrote the part about her aunt. Lol! And I am happy to report I have just finished ALL my grade.8 exams! So I'm done for the summer! YIPPY! Lol. And that was retarded but whatever! So all update once in awhile, I mean I still have a life, but all have more free time now! See yah. All update ASAP.

Luv Nikki

P.S. - I STILL NEED A BETA!


	6. Thoughts of Fifth Year

**Thoughts of 5th year**

Riley smiled as she looked at an old picture of her and Sirius in 5th year. Sirius and her had been slow dancing in the Room of Requirements when Remus and Becca had come bursting in and took a snap shot of us laughing. In the picture it was hilarious because Sirius had given Remus the finger and as it was a magical photo it showed it. I smiled fondly at the two guys; you could just tell they were best friends. After that Lily and James had showed up and to dislike Peter as well. We had an awesome time just being kids.

In the middle of 5th year James got to the height of his cockiness and it stopped when Lily had screamed at him that he was an "Fat headed arrogant prick" I believe, adding that she'd rather date the Hogwarts lake squid. It was that day when they had been bothering the Snape boy.

Truth be told, Sirius was just as bad. But Sirius and I were not a couple and he didn't ask me out every day as did James to Lily. All the same though when I told him I had the same views as Lily on the matter he had stopped.

The picture that I had in my hand was later in the year so everything had cleared over by then. Lily and James had actually started to get along. Sirius and I were still, by the way not a couple. Although apparently Becca and Remus were.

-Flashback-

"Remmmy" Becca hollered as she got back from her quiddich try-outs

"I got in! I got in!" She said jumping up and down in front of Remus who beamed at her.

"Great!" He said

She threw herself down on the couth beside him just as Sirius came in looking sweaty. (He got in the quiddich team 2 years ago and was a Beater.)

"I love you" Becca said to Remus hugging him then they started making-out

"Awwwww isn't that sweet" Sirius said in mock-happiness. "Now get a room!"

I laughed

"Let's go find Lil and James" he suggested holding out his hand I pulled myself up with it and we walked to the command room. (We were in the Room of Requirements which was by then are favorite hang-out.)

We were halfway there when I voice came over the speakers

"Would everyone please report to the command rooms NOW."

Sirius and I exchanged weirded out glances

"Huh" I muttered

Sirius gave me a look that clearly said 'how should I know?'

But we both continued up to the command room anyway.

When we got to there Lily and James filled us in

"Apparently there were some Death Eaters in Hoismade; they were trying to get up to Hogwarts. They couldn't get thought the barriers though." James said seriously

"Yah, it's got the teachers freaked specially Dumbledore" Lily put in

"Wow" was all I muttered

Sirius gave me a worried look as another announcement filled the room

"All students should be down in the great hall in 5 minutes. There are imposers on the grounds. We urge you to walk in groups, and always have you wand at the ready."

Sirius grabbed my arm protectively

"Come on guys we better get going"

James took Lily's hand and we walked down to the Great hall

When we got down the tables were pushed to the sides and there were sleeping bags covering the floor.

(A/N – remember this line from anywhere? Lol.)

Dumbledore was at the front of the huge hall but most of the teachers gone.

We all got sleeping bags closer together

"Wait" Lily said "something's wrong with this picture"

I looked around just the realizing Remus and Becca were not there.

"Where are Remus and Becca?" James questioned

A wave of worry took over me as I thought of what they could be going through at this very moment

"You don't think they decided to stay in the Room Of Requirements?" Sirius questioned looking at me in particular

"I don't think so… Remus is too much of a goodie good and Becca wouldn't take that risk… well I don't THINK so anyway."

"That's it I'm going to go find them" Sirius said "James did you bring the clock?"

By this point I was thoroughly confused

James nodded

"And the map?"

"Yes" James said pulling to small things out of his pocket.

I watched amazed as he pointed his wand at it muttering a spell

Suddenly the 2 things enlarged

There was now I big clock in his hand along with a piece of parchment. He quickly hid them under his sleeping bag as the potions teacher walked past glaring at us.

I heard a loud bang coming from the door of the hall and Sirius pulled me closer to him.

I breathed a sigh of relief as Becca and Remus came in with a more than angry looking Professor McGonagall

Even from the corner of the hall I could hear her ranting at them for not listening to the announcements.

"You could have been killed, what ere you thinking? And Mr.Lupin I am thoroughly confused. You are a prefect and that means listening to the announcements!"

By then Sirius and James were waving at Remus and trying to get him to laugh by pulling stupid faces.

Remus had a clear look on his face however Becca looked as if she'd burst out laughing at any moment.

When McGonagall finally finished yelling at them she gave them a punishment and sent them over to us.

"Hey guys where were you?" Lily asked quietly

"Well first we were in the Room of Requirements and Remmy had the music blasting. So we didn't even hear the first announcement, then we had decided to come find you when the second announcement came on and I wanted to go get my wand. Because I had left it up in my dorm, right so we were just walking down here when McGonagall found us and started freaking out… we tried to explain it to her but we couldn't really explain about the Room of Requirement right? And she probably wouldn't have heard us anyway with the way she was yelling." Becca explained

We all nodded understandingly. Then I suddenly remembered the clock and parchment James had.

"James?" I questioned

"Huh?" he asked

"What was that clock thing and the parchment about?"

I waited for a moment watching James, Sirius and Remus exchange glances. Remus and James nodded at Sirius and he took the two things out from under James's sleeping bag.

"This" he said holding up the clock "is an Invisibility clock"

I just stared

"Wow" was all I muttered

Sirius nodded holding up his arm and placing the clock on it. I watched in amazement as his arm vanished

Becca let out a squeak

"Those are rare" Lily said

"Yah what's the parchment about though?" I asked

"Well aren't you the curious one?" James said smiling

"This" Sirius said holding up the parchment "is a map"

"Huh?" Becca with a raised eyebrow

"Let me show them" James said taking the map from Sirius

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good" James muttered to the so called "map" and touched it with his wand

I was yet again amazed as ink spread onto the map and reviled the castle. There were dots all on it and I was surprised when I saw that they all had names.

I looked into the Great hall drawn on the map and saw hundreds of little dots sprawled out with a name beside each one.

Sirius pointed to the corner and I saw his name and my name as well as James, Lily's, Becca's and Remus's.

"Shit that's cool" Becca muttered

"We just finished it" James said "we've been working on this baby for like 3 years"

"Wow and you never told us?" Lily asked

"Sorry it never came up" James said apologetically

"Okay whatever I'm tired" Lily said lowering herself down into he sleeping bag

I looked around. She was right; it was late more than half of the people in the Great Hall were asleep.

"'Night Lil" James said patting Lily on the head

"I think you should get to bed to" Sirius said Looking at me

I nodded wordlessly and rapped myself in my blanket and as I was falling asleep I could have sworn Sirius muttered

"Night love"

-End of flashback-

5th year scared me. Not just because of Voldemort and his goon's, but also because I was falling in love with Sirius Black. That would be putting it bluntly. Everyone knew he liked me although he never quite got to saying it. But then I was afraid to love him for the same reason Lily was afraid to love James. Because they were both "Hogwarts most wanted men" and some women would stop at nothing to take them away from us.

Hey People,

Hoped you liked the chapter. I don't know whether I liked this chapter … it was sorta boring. But the next chapter is better because…. Well you'll have to wait but I promise it'll be better than this one! I'll update ASAP.

Luv Nikki


	7. Thoughts of Sixth Year Part 1

**Thoughts of Sixth Year**

**Part 1**

Sixth year was truly one of my favorite years. The year Sirius and I finally got together. Every time I think of that day, I get a tingly sensation growing in the pit of my stomach. I get the same lurching feeling I got the first day I climbed onto that train and first saw the dark haired, incredibly sexy guy that I knew I would eventually fall for. It was the same feeling I had got in 4th year too. It's the most amazing feeling. Better than any other.

-Flashback-

Sirius and I were fooling around in potions when he passed me an odd note.

Dear Ri,

Meet me tonight In the Room of R at 10:00 tonight?

Luv Yah,

Sirius

I sent it back saying:

Dear Siri,

Sure, but why?

Luv yah too,

Ri

He looked over the note and scribbled a reply:

You'll see.

I nodded and we started making up the potion while throwing funny notes back and fourth. They mainly involved the Slytherins and how much they sucked. By the end of class we both were having hyped up laughing fits.

Siri,

I think in an alternate life all Slytherins were hobos.

-Ri-

Ri,

No, that's an insult to hobo's everywhere. Oh, and they're homeless people, Gees have some respect! Lol Joking.

-Siri-

Siri,

Fine but they smell as bad as them.

-Ri-

Ri,

Ha, yeah, probably worse. Specially Snivullus.

-Siri-

(Weren't we intelligent 16 year olds?)

Siri,

That was mean!

-Ri-

Sirius looked over the note at me and pleaded with his eyes.

I couldn't help it,

I started to giggle. Yes giggle. It was weird and embarrassing. Right in the middle of potions too! I was glad the teacher had hearing problems.

Sirius looked at me amused, once he realized I was joking. When I started to shake with laughter, he started up too.

"Excuse me, but what pray-tell is so funny that you had to interrupt my class?" the professor said as I went red from embarrassment. Sirius just gave him an annoyed look for ruining the fun.

"Sorry sir," I said, looking down at my desk. A few Slytherins started to laugh but Sirius sent them all death glares.

"10 points from Gryffindor," he just shot back.

A few people groaned while the Slytheins had gone into silent laughing fits.

Sirius rubbed my back softly and stuck his tongue out at the professor when he was turned towards the board.

I almost laughed… Almost!

When I got into my room I found a big box beside my bed.

I shot Lily a questioning look.

She shrugged.

"It was here when I got here," she said.

I quickly did a spell to check that there were no harmful things in it.

Then I decided to open it. There was brown wrapping paper on it and lots of tape messily done up, but obviously thoughtfully done. I took the top off the box and looked inside where there was some tissue paper on it and a note placed in the middle.

I picked it up and scanned it.

Dear Ri,

I thought this would look beautiful on you. Wear it tonight in the room of Requirements if you want.

-Siri-

P.S. – Sorry about today with the notes and all.

I stared at the wrapping, confused.

"Well are you going to open it?" lily asked. She had looked over my shoulder at the note.

I nodded carefully lifting the tissue paper.

I gasped.

I carefully held it up in front of my face.

I heard Lily gasp when she saw it.

It was a black dress. A beautiful black dress. The top of the dress was all black and looked as if it fit well to the skin. But when you got to the waist it "puffed" out and there were red streaks going to the ground.

"That's SOOOMMME present," Lily commented. "When's your b-day?"

"April.7th"

It was November.

"Wow, EXTRA early," Lily answered

I looked into the box and found some crimson stilettos/pumps.

"So that's why he asked your shoe size," Becca said, just as she walked in

"Radical dress by the way!"

I looked at her.

"He asked you for my shoe size?" I said incredibly. Becca was a great friend, and I loved her like a sister, but sometimes she could be extremely dense.

"Yeah, he said something about it being for a quiz he was doing in a men's magazine like 'Do you know your girl?' "

I laughed out loud at that, Lily laughed too.

Becca looked confused, but started laughing anyway.

"Okay," I said after we finished our little laugh attack "I need to get ready."

The girls nodded.

"Can I count on you to do my makeup Lily, and Hair Becca?" I asked.

"Yes ma'am," Lily said.

"Of course darlin'" Becca said, running to her dresser to find her hair products.

Lily walked over to get her make-up.

"And I'll go get the dress on," I said to myself.

I ran into the bathroom with my beautiful dress and hot stilettos.

When I came out, my friends took Polaroid's. (A.N. - yes I know they probably didn't have them in this time frame so don't get pissy at me.)

We laughed and talked as Becca did my hair and Lily worked on my face.

"I wonder what he's up to," Lily said.

"Probably going to propose with that gorgeous dress and all," Becca said, giggling.

That thought immediately brought jitters.

"What!" I yelped out loud, "we're not even going out yet!"

"Yah, Rylie it was a joke," Becca said, giving her an odd look.

"Oh," I said "Sorry."

"That's alright," Lily said. "Hell, if Potter bought me a dress like this one and told me to come to the Room of Requirements, I would begin to wonder as well."

We all laughed at that thought, not knowing we were laughing at what was to be the future.

---------------------------------------

Hey People,

This chapter was so unbelievably long that I had to split it into part one and part two. You just read part one and I'll get part two ASAP and have it up here in within a week. Thanks for all the lovely reviews. I would answer all of them but I wanted to get this chapter up as soon as I could. ONLY 4 MORE DAYS TILL HALF BLOOD PRINCE COMES OUT! Lol, I'm so exited, and when it comes out I'm going to hold out on the chapters for awhile so everyone can read it then I'll post chapter seven. All have part 2 out before it though! Anyway thanks for all the support, I appreciate it! Bye bye!

And I got a Beta for this story, finally, so say thanks to - White-Tiger-Lily!


	8. Thoughts of Sixth Year Part 2

Warning: Contains a minor suggestive scene. Do no read if easily offended.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. JK owns it all!

**Thoughts of Rylie Black**

**Part 2**

I looked in the mirror one last time, taking in my dark brown hair that was resting softly on my shoulders (Becca had straightened it out although it was already pretty straight, but it made it shiny so it looked nicer). My hazel eyes shone out from under the black lashes with creamy eyeshadow on top of my eyelids.

It was perfect. I thanked my friends and left for the Room Of Requirements. I was also extremely nervous. It was strange because I didn't usually get extremely nervous with him, only when we were acting "more than friends".

He was always the perfect gentleman and it kept me in a permanent state of laughter.

I knocked upon the door while checking my watch; it was exactly 10:00. Good I thought 'not to early, not to late' (I liked being on time).

The door opened and I looked up nervously.

Sirius was standing there leaning against the doorway. Dear god he looked sexy!

"Hey Ri," he said, holding open the door and waving me in.

I looked around. The room was now a midnight blue and he had enchanted the ceiling to look like we were looking straight outside. In the middle of the room there was a small table for two. And the smell coming from that table was heavenly. I hadn't had dinner yet, and although we had a snack, I was still hungry. There was a couch in the corner of the room with a CD player playing so-called "romantic music".

"You like it?" He asked

"Wow you really went all out," I commented, and then flung my arms around him and whispered, "It's beautiful".

I could almost feel him grinning as he whispered back, "So are you."

It wasn't a hug you gave your friends either. It was a hug where he'd put his arms around my waist. And I put my arms around his waist and cuddled into him.

He held me close for a moment before we let go and he walked over to the table that had a chicken on it (dead of course), with some salad and a bowl of bread. (I hated potatoes. And luckily he knew or the night might have been ruined with me hurling on him.)

The music was so beyond cheesy I couldn't help but laugh.

"Nice music," I said sarcastically.

"You don't like it?" he asked with a raised eyebrow

I snorted.

"Good, I think it may be burning a hole in my ear drum," he said.

I laughed and he flicked his wand and muttered something. It changed to "Rob Thomas - Lonely no more".

I smiled; he winked at me knowing full well I hated boring cheesy  
"romantic" music.

We sat down at the table and we started on the food.

"My god this is great chicken, where did you get it?" I asked.

"Kitchen," he replied.

"Cool," I answered.

We continued eating.

Suddenly "The Killers – Mr. Brightside" came on and I jumped up.

"I love this song!" I said, nodding my head to the music and probably looking retarded. But he didn't care; he just gave me an amused look.

"I know," he said

I looked at him suspiciously.

"How do you know?" I asked

"Well," he started, "Becca isn't very good when it comes to keeping things secret."

I laughed.

"Oh my god I totally forgot to thank-you for the dress and shoes!" I exclaimed, beaming at him.

"No problem, but can you stand up and model it for me? I didn't get a good look at it in the store and I'm sure with all those curves it will look much nicer on you than it did on the flat-chested dummy."

She laughed but when red in the face at his words about her body.

"Go on then," he said motioning for her to stand and turn.

She did but went totally red when he scanned her body.

Grinning suggestively he said, "Wow miss! It looks great on you, wonder what it would look like if you weren't wearing it."

"Sirius!" she said scandalously.

"What I didn't say anything," he said, but still had a grin on his face. "You can sit down now it you want. And you better soon or I might have to attack you."

Rylie was now bright red as she sat down, although she admitted that she wouldn't mind being "attacked" by him.

"Can I ask you something?" He said looking into her eyes seriously.

I tried to read his thoughts but it wasn't working so I just said, "sure."

"Okay, will you go out with me?" Sirius asked never blinking, as he looked me in the eye.

My face heated up. Damn! Why hadn't I thought of that!

"Yes," I finally choked out.

He let out a breath I hadn't realized he'd been keeping.

I laughed.

"Did you really think I'd say no after all this?" I teased.

"Maybe…" He said his voice fading off.

"You do realize that if we're going out, the whole school will end up knowing that one of "Hogwarts most wanted men" will be off the market," I said slyly.

"Yah I know, there will be riots in the hall. I'll need to get us a body guard."

We both started into a laughing fit again.

"Okay well while I'm on a roll, will you be my girlfriend too?"

"Yes Sirius Black, I will be your girlfriend," I stated.

He gave me a charming smile.

"Great, then this is officially our first date!" He said enthusiastically.

"Yup," I said as "Candy shop" by 50 Cent came on.

He pulled me up as we started to dance.

"I'll take you to the candy shop… I'll let you lick the lollipop…" He muttered and we continued dancing.

-End of Flashback-

6th year WAS the best. I recalled and that was one of my favourite nights right there. Only at the end of 6th year did that thing with Voldemart and it all started to get really bad. People started getting murdered by Death Eaters every day. Every day though, Sirius would tell me he would protect me against everything out there. He even gave me a stone where if I held it and said his name, he would have a burning sensation in his hand and know I was in trouble. I only used it once. It was in early June and I was feeling a bit ill so I didn't go to dinner. I woke up hungry and decided to go to the kitchen and get some food. (Sirius had showed me the kitchen in 3rd year). I should have asked Sirius to come though because I bumped into Bellatrix and her gang of "future death eaters". They started to taunt me and I knew they were going to start with the cursing in a moment so I held the rock and said his name. So I waited, holding on while they hexed the hell out of me. 5 min later Sirius came down with Remus and James and well, lets just say Bellatrix and her gang didn't get out of the hospital wing in till the end of school.

Over all it was one of the best years of my life.

* * *

Hey People, 

Okay that was LONG! I just had to split it in two it was 10 bloody pages! Ok well here the 2nd part! HBPs OUT IN 2 DAYS! YAY! Lol. Anyway I'm going to hold out on chapter 7 in till the excitement of Half Blood Prince is over. Then I'll post it. Thanks for the reviews they keep me going!

PS – Was the part where Sirius commented on her body a bit over PG13? I don't think so but tell me if so and maybe all have to raise the rating.

PPS – The songs, I know aren't from there time so you don't have to tell me. I just don't know any song from the 70's. Sorry.

Luv Nikki


	9. Thoughts of Seventh Year Part 1

**Thoughts of Seventh Year**

**Part 1**

**-**

7th year: the year of surprises, both wonderful and dreadful. I got proposed to, Voldemort was taking over… Everything just seemed to either scare me or thrill me. By the end of the year there were 3 marriages happening. James and Lily, Remus and Becca, and Sirius and I. Needless to say, all 6 of us were excited to be starting our lives together.

Lily and James getting together was really sudden but you could tell they were crazy for each other. They always said it was the best thing that ever happened to them. Lily still occasionally yelled at him but they'd always make-up fast and the next minute you'd see the snogging in the Room of Requirements.

Remus and Becca got engaged on Becca's birthday, it was so romantic! She told Lily and me all about it. We found out about Remus being a werewolf shortly after. We were in the Room of Requirements and Sirius, Remus and James decided to tell us. We all told him we cared for him whether he was a werewolf or not. He was our friend. Although I was sure Becca knew before Lily and me because she didn't seem too surprised. Actually now that I think about it, Lily didn't seem too surprised either. But she was smart, she probably figured it out before me.

The ball though… that night was amazing! We got so dressed up and the guys were so incredibly handsome (Sirius especially). I'll never forget that night, what lead up to it, and the end.

-Flashback-

"OOOHHH!" Becca shouted. "I found the perfect one, Remmy will love it!"

Lily and I rushed over to take a look. We were looking in a special dress shop in London. We had gotten permission from Professor Slughorn, who would do anything to please Lily, her being one his 'favorites'. (Read HBP if you don't get that line!) Anyway he said we were allowed, only if we brought 2 friends along. The reason we were looking for dresses was because we had our final 7th year Ball to attend.

"Wow, it's cute!" Lily commented.

"Yeah, you should definitely think of getting that one!" I told her with a grin and a thumbs up.

The dress was a long blue one with a halter top, and looked as if it would fit nice to curves with the silky fabric.

"Okay now we have to find you and Lily one."

We spent half an hour searching through the store and finally found one for Lily and I.

Lily's one was an emerald green that was absolutely gorgeous with her eyes as they were the same color. It had a little slit up the side that I'm sure James would appreciate.

Mine was a little black one that was all tied up and criss-crossed in the back and fit snuggly to my curves. Overall I thought I looked rather gorgeous myself. I knew Sirius was going to flip when he saw me, of course, I could come down in a hobo outfit and he would still beam at me.

* * *

The next day us girls spent the whole day in our dorm getting ready for the ball.

I had decided to wear red stilettos with the 'Little Black Dress' as Becca dubbed it. Hers was the 'Little Blue Dress' and Lily's was the 'Little Green Dress'.

I grinned in the mirror for about the millionth time that day. I couldn't help it, I was deliriously happy and all of my happiness centered on that boy. Sirius Black. Damn his stupid sexiness.

"Ri, STOP IT already! You look great!" Lily shouted from the bathroom where Becca was doing her makeup.

"Yeah Ri, relax, he'll love you."

"Just as much as you love him," Lily said, walking out of the bathroom.

"Hey!" I yelled. "Who said I was in love with him!"

"Who are we talking about again?" Becca asked dumbly.

"Black, duh," I muttered.

"So you're in love with him ay?" Becca questioned.

"James and I are in love I think," Lily said quietly, looking at the floor.

Becca and I turned to stare at her before bursting out in questions

"Really!"

"Have you done it?"

"Did he propose?"

"When's the wedding date?"

"Can I be a bride's maid?"

"Oh come ON, I'm making you a brides maid for me and Remmy's wedding!"

"Okay. Yes really, no we haven't that's scandalous Becca! No he has not proposed yet! And the wedding has not been planned yet because so far it's non-existent! Oh and Becca, when I do get married you guy's will be the first to know and be the brides maids."

Lily, Becca and I exchanged looks with each other before bursting out in laughter.

"Wow that was Random!" Becca stated.

"Yes it was," I put in.

"For sure," Lily added.

* * *

There was suddenly a bang on the door.

"Let us in! We're going to be late!" James hollered.

"You better open up or we could do some serious damage to this door!" Sirius yelled.

"Oh go away!" Becca hollered back, finishing up her hair.

There was a huge bang as the door flew open.

The boys walked in seeing us on the beds laughing our arses off.

I felt the heat creep up my neck as Sirius looked me over at me.

"Come on," he said, walking over and throwing me over his shoulders much like a flimsy sack of potatoes.

"Ahhh!" I screamed as the other boys followed suit with their girlfriends.

Marching with us atop their shoulders, they stepped down the stairs and into the common room where the people watched us with amused expressions.

The Marauders had done it again!

Finally Sirius dropped me on the couch.

I slapped him on the arm playfully.

"Ass," I said to him, with a grin beginning to play on my lips against my will.

He just shrugged and looked me up and down appraisingly. I went red again.

"I now pronounce you Sexy tomato face!" He said barking with laughter.

"Uh-uh," I answered rolling my eyes and trying to keep the giggling down to a minimum.

Soon after, Lily was thrown down beside me smirking at James towering over her.

She looked half ready to burst out laughing and half ready to cry.

She obviously picked the first option and started laughing uncontrollably, but stopped when she realized everyone was staring at her as if she'd gone mad.

James sat in the middle of us and put his hands over both of our shoulders.

"Ah my favorite ladies," He said, sighing.

Sirius grabbed my hand pulling me up towards him.

"Make that one Jamesy boy, this one's all mine," he said wrapping his arms around me suggestively.

I couldn't help but melt into his grip.

James just grinned down at Lily.

"And that's alright man, Lily's is better than 100,000 women."

I awed at the look shared by those two, it held so much and I knew they were in love.

Then James bent down and kissed her cheek softly.

"Oh get a room Jamesy," Sirius said twisting me so I faced him and he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and played with my hair that had come loose from the bun.

"I'll meet you guys down there," he shouted back as he led me out on the portrait hole just as Remus and Becca came down looking a bit disheveled. Make-out session was my guess.

* * *

We walked down to the Great Hall together talking and laughing.

We truly did complete each other.

As we stood there, Lukas Smith and his Girlfriend Carmon Clark came over and chatted with us.

"So what are you guys planning to do after we get out of this hell hole?" Lukas asked.

"I don't know." Sirius admitted. "As long as I got this here, I think I'll be fine though." He pointed at me

I blushed for the thousandth time that night, I'm sure.

Carmon laughed quietly.

"Aw that's so sweet Sirius!" She gushed.

By this time Lily, James, Remus and Becca had come down and started talking with us.

"Welcome 7th years to the Final Ball." Dumbledore's voice echoed through the Hall. "We hope you enjoy yourselves and this is our little congrats for you to making it through school."

There was a loud applause and a couple girls had tears in their eyes as they realized they would never be here again.

The Great Hall's doors opened…

* * *

Hey People,

A bit of a cliffy there but I'm sure you won't mind! Now this story is in like the middle right now so it's getting tougher to update, I don't have and pre-chapter's written in other words. So it will take me awhile to update sometimes. I'm sorry for that but all try to get them ASAP! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing everyone!

Luv Nikki

Special thanks to:

My beta – White-tiger-lily

Reviewers –

S.c.ou.sr.4.li.fe,

Lilyskywalker3

Rockergurl13,

Nicole, (Lol we share the same name!)  
Aicha,

HazelMaraa,

Ericana

**Thanks everyone Review please!**


	10. Thoughts of Seventh Year Part 2

**Thoughts of 7th Year**

**Part 2**

The Great Hall's doors opened and people from all the houses flew threw.

Sirius, the crew and me stayed in the Great Hall, waiting for everyone to go in so we wouldn't get squished, or separated, in a crowd of people.

Finally we got to go in and got a table. (A large table to fit all of us) The Hall was decorated in rater sickening shades of blue and yellow, and banners that yelled out "HAPPY GRADUATION" at random moments. At first it was amusing but it slowly turned annoying and in about the middle of dinner Dumbledore finally made them shut-up.

Awhile later the music started playing. It was really weird because there where no speakers to be seen.

"Liz Phair - Why Can't I breathe" came on and I started to mutter the words

"Sing louder!" Sirius hollered over the music

"No!" I yelled

"Awe come on I promise I won't tease!"

I shook my head

"PLLLLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He yelled in an extremely annoying voice.

"NOOOOOO!" I answered

"Fine" Sirius said and turned away from me no doubt wearing his "Pouty face"

I rolled my eyes.

"Want to dance?" Sirius asked 5 minuets later

"I thought you where ignoring me?" I asked with a raised eyebrow

"Well there's no point in sitting here the whole evening. Plus I can't have you sitting there wearing that adorable little smirk, eventually another guys going to try to hit on you and then I'm going to have to punch him out and well it's all just to complicated for my liking" Sirius answered

I snorted but nodded my head

We got up and walked to the dance floor. The minute he looked at me I forgave him though. Even if he was a twit sometimes, he was just too sweet to not give into.

He rapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. I placed my hand up on his shoulders and laid my head on his chest enjoying being in his arms. It was like falling in a bunch of soft velvety pillows. I just didn't want to stop being there. The war was getting worse, I wasn't THAT naive. And no matter how strange and dumb and cheesy it sounded, I felt safe from everything, just there, in his arms.

* * *

Later Remus and Becca came up to us. Becca was undoubtedly piss drunk.

She stumbled over, tripping over her dress. Luckily Remus caught her before she broke her nose on the cold, hard floor.

"Hey guuuys you should try the puuunch IT'S GREAT!" Becca slurred

"Sirius, could you tell me WHO THE HELL spiked the punch!" Remus yelled over the music. (The annoyance in his voice was clear.)

Sirius got that guilty look in his eye.

"SIRIUS!"

"But Remus-"

"Don't fucking 'but Remus' me, why the HELL didn't you warn me?"

"Awe Remmy, I'm sorry. We just wanted everyone to have a little fun…"

"Fine, whatever. I'm going to take her up to the common room, you have FUN without me!" Remus said and haughtily turned around

"Hey Rem!" Sirius called

Remus turned "What?"

"Don't take advantage of her; she won't thank you in the morning!" Sirius called teasingly across the Hall.

"Pig" Remus muttered under his breath before taking Becca by the hand

"What a pretty rainbow, Remus do you see that pretty rainbow?" Becca slurred happily

"Oh yes Bec it is a lovely rainbow isn't it?"

Sirius snorted with laughter while I bit my lip to keep from laughing as well – they sounded like an old couple. Where the wife was loony and the husband was loony for the wife. It was cute.

"Sirius?" I asked

"What love?" He murmured

"Did you or James spick the punch?"

"Awe where still on that?" He whined

"Yes, I want you to apologize tomorrow"

"I'm sorry Riri," He said with puppy dog eyes

'Damn those sexy blue eyes!' I thought

"What?" Sirius said a smirk coming to his lips

"Aw shit, I said that out loud didn't I?" I asked

"Yes and you have sexy eyes two Riley, don't be jealous of mine!" Sirius said mockingly

"Fine then," I said backing away from Sirius "I'm going to go find Lil' and warn her about the toxic punch"

"Ri," He said fixing me with a piercing look "You can't talk to her right now"

"Why?" I asked totally confused

He took my hand and pulled me closer to him whispering in my ear "James is proposing to her"

I gasped

"Yeah! Isn't it great?" He asked with a glint in his eyes

"Yeah!" I replied, but underneath it all I was a little jealous.

"Hey you want to go for a walk outside; I need to tell you something else"

I nodded a bit confused. 'What could he want to talk to me about?'

We stopped at a little bench beside the lake

"You want to sit down?" He asked

I nodded, my mouth was getting dry. I sat down

My eyes widened ask he knelt to one knee and took something out of his pocket. Then he grabbed my hand with his other hand.

I swear a billion and one thoughts where flying through my head at that moment

"Riley, I've known you for-" at this moment I started balling my eyes out while he gulped and continued "7 year now. Every time I'm with you I can't keep a fricken grin down because you make me so happy. I love you, and I know it isn't the kind of love that will ever go away. Will you put up with me for the rest of your life and marry me?"

I Chocked out a few sobs and managed "Of course I will you ass what took you so long to ask!"

He beamed

"Just the words I was expecting from my future bride," He said cheekily

I stuck out my tongue

"-And she's soooo mature to!"

I rolled my eyes and wiping the tears out of my eyes.

"Your cute" he whispered in my ear before kissing me with something that was so intense I almost passed out.

When we finished the uh… cough-make out-cough-session-cough

He whispered something else

"I love you Miss. Riley-soon-to-be Black"

I beamed at him

"Riley Black… hmmm, that sounds good."

Sirius did this thing I was sure was between a smile and a smirk – a 'smicke'

"It does sound rather lovely doesn't it?"

"Yeah it will sound even lovelier when your screaming it on are honeymoon"

His mouth went open and shut – it was sort of funny. Like a demented blowfish.

* * *

The next day Becca, Lily and I celebrated in the room of requirements. 

We exchanged "Marry-me" stories, all of which were very romantic. Becca's was in the Room of Requirements itself. Lil's… James took her up on his broom. (AN - I know what you're thinking! You dirty; gross, perverted… okay whatever your thinking just STOP it's his broom as in a wooden broom… okay that didn't sound quite right either… no, James's 'broom' is not wooden in this story. But his broom, broom is. Hem, well I try…)

The boy's party included sitting in they're room getting drunk and reading dirty magazines. Which we, as females found a bit disturbing… but that was how they partied apparently.

They where are pre-bachalorette and pre-bachelor parties.

-End of Flashback-

The things I miss most about my friends were there ability to make me smile. From Becca's stupidity, to James's quick comment's. At the end of the year I almost had a breakdown with all the things happening so quickly. They all helped me get threw it and I was myself in no time.

It wasn't like that now. I was a 38-year-old healer at the local walk-in-clinic. The job itself bored me half to death. Sometimes I ran only on the memories of my childhood. A shrink once told me 'it wouldn't do to dwell on the past and to move on'. He said that if I didn't I would continue with the depression and insomnia that kept me up half the night. I asked him rater rudely if he had all his childhood friends dead and his wife locked up in prison would he just 'move on with his life'.

He threw me out of his office and told me not to come back ever again. I guess I was just TOO crazy?

* * *

Hey People, 

Hee, I love the end of this chapter. Lol. Oh and sorry about the James's broom thing back there. Ha, I was just a bit crazy when I wrote that… Oh and the next chapter will be really long because I'm going to try and stick all the weddings in one. Or attempt to anyway. Thanks for the reviews, keep 'em coming!

!Luv Nikki!


	11. Thoughts Of Marriage

**Hey, this is a super long chappy, so I divided it into parts. There still all on this update though.**

**Thoughts of Marriage**

**Part 1**

Marriage. Every time I hear that word I think back to our marriage. Me and Sirius, we never got a chance. A few months, but that's it. Luckily I never got pregnant, we wanted to wait awhile, enjoy our life together, before we got into all that. Lily and James of course got into it as soon as they could. Lily always said she wanted a 'Big, Happy Family'. She got a husband and a baby boy, but never got to really enjoy even that. Becca and Remus got married and that was it. Only I knew otherwise. A few day's before she went missing she started getting missed periods and morning sickness. Lily was in hiding with James and the baby so she never knew, and I doubt Becca would've told Sirius. I know for a fact that she never told Remus; she wanted to wait for a while, until she was sure. I was almost positive she was pregnant though. How was I supposed to tell Remus? After all he was going through, I just couldn't. I never did.

-Flashback-

"YOU LOOK GORGEOUS!" Lily screamed as she ran into the room.

"Your 5 minutes late Lil' and you look like you just woke up," Becca stated dryly.

Lily blushed and I snickered. I have a feeling I knew exactly what (or WHO) made her look that way. Lily glared at me playfully.

"Well EXCUSE me but I wasn't the one whining like a baby for Sirius at the Bachelorette party last night," Lily stated with a laugh.

"Well It was boring, and I mean come ON, what where you guy's thinking when you got those disgusting male strippers?"

"Hey, the blonde one was hot," Becca commented.

"Uh," I murmured, suppressing a shutter at the creepy mental pictures.

"Need a barf bucket?" Lily asked.

"No, I learned the Anti-hang-over spell from Siri in 6th year."

"Thought so."

"Mhm."

"So, where's the bridesmaid dresses?" I asked.

"Bec's mom's bringing them."

I nodded but cringed slightly. Becca's mother was SO picky; she made us try on about a billion bridesmaid dresses from EVERY store in the muggles mall that had them. The cake… well I don't even want to remember how much cake got shoved into my face when we where trying to pick out the wedding cake. And she finally settled on Forget-me-nots for the flowers after looking at numerous other flower bouqets.

Lily went a little green which made me burst out laughing.

They both looked at me weirdly.

"I don't even want to know," Becca said putting on some lipstick.

About 10 minutes later Becca's mom came in.

"Hello ladies! Oh Rebecca-dear you look absolutely marvelous!"

Lily and I rolled are eyes but both said polite greetings.

"Hello."

"Morning' Mrs. Grates." (AN – Please note I'm making Becca's last name 'Grates' because I don't think I gave her one)

"Oh yes. Here are your dresses girls." She gave us both the peacock yellow cocktail-like dresses. (Personally I thought they were a little over-the-top for a wedding but that's Becca.)

"And girls you better get ready soon, I've got to go check in with the caterer but Mr. Grates will be here in a half an hour for Rebecca."

And with that she opened the door but called back, "Oh and Lillian, dear that hair ribbon is crooked." And then shut the door.

* * *

A half an hour later, the 3 of us where sitting on the small couch where Lily and I were urging Becca to breathe since she had almost had a panic attack two minutes earlier. 

"Hun, really it's not a big deal if the caterer is a little late. It'll all work out just fine," Lily said in a soothing voice.

"Sorry guys, its just so friken stressful!" Becca said strangling an invisible person in front of her.

I snorted, "Maybe having all of our weddings in the same month was a little stupid."

"Just a little," Lily commented dryly.

There was a knock at the door. Lily got up and let Mr. Grates in.

"You girls look great," he said encouragingly. "Come on Beccy dear, I need to deliver you to Mr. Lupin, can't keep that one waiting, no, definitely not."

He looked down at his watch while Lily and I exchanged looks of amusement at Becca's nickname. Becca rolled her eyes.

"Come on dad," She said leading us out the door.

I watched as the little flower girl, Kalia, walked down first, her cute little ponytail bouncing on her way down.

I felt a hand slip into mine and didn't even have to look to know whom it was. I recognized his hands, which was weird.

"Come on sexy, we need to go now," Sirius whispered close to my ear.

I giggled and smoothed my dress over.

"You look beautiful." Sirius scoffed and placed my hand back in his.

I walked down the aisle, Sirius pulling me close to him whenever a guy turned to look at me.

I smiled to myself, enjoying the feeling of being protected.

We got to the front and Sirius gave me a quick kiss before he walked the other way and grinned cheekily over his shoulder.

I rolled my eyes and grinned back. Lily came and stood next to me, I watched as she exchanged love-filled looks with James. Sirius was watching them smiling too. He looked over at me and gave me a look that I will never forget.

I looked just in time to see Becca making her way down to Remus. When she got there her dad placed their hands together and clapped Remus on the back as he walked to his seat.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur, other than my feet aching, nothing really happened except the priest droning on about only god-knows-what.

Finally they got to the "I do's" and finished with a rather intimate kiss as the people clapped. When they finished they both ran down the aisle together and out the door to do only god-knows-what.

* * *

**Part 2**

It was the 17th of September, Lily and James wedding. They where having it at James parents house. James's mom was so nice! She of course welcomed Lily with open arms, and was absolutely thrilled that they where having it at their house. The back yard was covered with Calla lilies. Ever table had a beautifully arranged bouquet.

Currently the 'bride-to-be' was pacing the room muttering things that could go wrong under her breath. While I was resting on the couch rolling my eyes when she muttered:

"What if there's an attack!" in a wavering voice.

"Oh relax!" I yelled for the fifth time that day.

Becca walked in with 3 coolers.

"Thank god," I murmured.

"Think fast Lil," Becca said tossing a cooler at her, which she turned and caught in the nick of time.

"Nice catch, James's obviously been rubbing off on you," I commented.

She went red and nodded, her face going all dreamy for a moment. "Thanks for this Becca, I needed it."

Becca nodded and threw me one that I almost dropped.

Lily snorted, "and obviously Sirius hasn't been rubbing off on you."

"Yeah well we prefer to do other things in are free time, wink wink, nudge nudge."

"1, 2, 3- pop." We all popped the top of the cooler in unison and burst out laughing.

"Nice," I said as the alcohol fizzed over my hand.

"Hey, you must have got the one I shook," Becca laughed.

"Bitch," I said licking the fizz off.

"GIRRRRLLLLSSSSSSS." We heard a yell that was unmistakably Sirius. "I'm coming in, make sure you're decent! Well except Riley because I see her nude everyday."

"We are!" Lily yelled back raising her eyebrow at me.

"Idiot," I muttered, shaking my head,

He came in looking absolutely yummy in his white tux.

"Hello Ladies, and may I say Lil, Bec, you both you look absolutely stunning today." He turned and looking me over causing me to go beet red. Even though I'd known him for so long, I still blushed whenever he looked at me like that.

He smirked in a good-natured way.

"And Ri, that shade of red you're donning is beyond beautiful."

I rolled my eyes at his mock-flattery.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Why are you just assuming something is wrong?" Sirius countered back.

"Well you obviously came to ask or tell us something, I'm assuming it's bad because your complimenting us like it's your last day to live."

"Oh," he said shortly.

"Cough it up cupcake," Lily ordered.

"Hey! I'm a man, a man does not respond to the name 'cupcake'!"

The three of us looked at him flatly.

"OH F-I-N-E, the Priest is stuck in traffic; apparently some one ran over a cow. Now its dead carcass is rotting it up in the middle of the street. They're bringing in a dump truck and crane to move it."

We all yelled out while Sirius snorted.

"EW!"

"GROSS!"

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"

After I had hit Sirius across the heads for being so disgusting, Lily asked nervously.

"How long will he be?"

"Hopefully not to long, but a half an hour at the latest"

We all groaned loudly, Lily's being the loudest.

"Stupid fucking idiot," Lily yelled, banging her head against the wall.

"It's not the person's fault the cow just happened to be in the middle of the road!" Sirius protested.

"Not that, ME! I should have got a backup!"

Becca patted her back soothingly. "Look at it this way Lil', at least you can have the wedding cake."

The three of us gave her weird looks as she stared off into space.

"Yeah..." Sirius said, "Well I'm going to go check on James, make sure he hasn't killed himself yet."

We nodded; I took a loooong sip of my cooler.

* * *

I was walking down the second aisle in a month. Goosebumps were trailed up my arm and down my legs. It wasn't even cold out. I have this thing where even its 30 degrees out, I'm still freezing cold as soon as the sun starts to go down. I shifted closer to Sirius as he smirked at me. 

"Cold?" He muttered almost incoherently.

I nodded, looking forward at the priest who was scrambling to find the right page in his bible.

"Wow, I almost feel sorry for the poor sod, James said he'd curse him into eternity if he didn't give them a great service."

I snorted quietly. We were now approaching the front. Sirius gave me a kiss on the cheek and let go of my hand as we parted ways.

I stood there grinning at Becca as she and Remus parted and she strolled over to me. She was grinning back as we turned to watch as Lily came in her wedding dress that was almost like a sundress with buttons up the middle. It swayed this way and that as she walked. Her hair was left down – apparently that was the way James liked it. It kept getting in her face and I could almost here her muttering cuss words, annoyed, I saw the priest looking at her wearily.

"Why the hell did they decide to keep her bloody hair down?" Becca muttered.

"That was James's brilliant idea," I muttered back looking at the boys, which were all trying to control their laughter. Except James of course, who was now enjoying the wrath of Lily's glare.

She got near to the front but not before tripping several times on her high heels and banging into a seat once. Her mother looked absolutely horrified. Her sister hade a sneer on her face and would snort every time she tripped. By the time Lily got to the front she was almost in tears. James took her hand and hugged her close.

I smiled at her sadly.

The priest was giving her a sympathetic look, as was every other person in the room. Excluding Lily's sister who still had that horrible smirk on her face.

The vows and such were all said. Lily said something like "and I think I loved him even when I hated him…" This made everyone who knew them and how they use to be with each other laugh loudly.

When everything else was done they said their "I do's" and ran down the aisle. Everyone clapped, beaming. Except, of course Lily's sister who now was wearing a rather annoyed sneer.

"She looks like Snape," Becca commented.

"Hey! She does sort of look like him you know," I said back. "And if you squint she even has the same nose."

We both burst out laughing totally ignoring the suspicious glare she threw at us.

"What are you two laughing about this time?" Remus asked.

"Well we think Lil's sis looks a bit like Snape, don't you think?" Becca asked.

He raised his eyebrow and turned to look at her.

"Hmm. Yeah I guess she does resemble him a bit."

We started another round of laughing while Remus rolled his eyes and went to talk to Sirius.

"Wonder what Lil's doing?" Becca asked me.

"Uh I don't really want to know," I said wrinkling my nose up.

Lily came out 10 minutes later her hair a bit scruffed up and her lipstick smudged; I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Becca turned her snickering into coughing.

"Err Lil' you might want to take a look in the mirror," I said passing her my compact.

"Ah!" Lily shrieked looking at herself "Thanks." With that said, she practically ran out of the room.

"RIIIIIILEY!" Sirius moaned in my ear.

"SIIIIIRRRRRRRRRIIIIIUUUSSSS" I moaned back.

"You know that name sounds very sexy coming out of your mouth," Sirius said smirking playfully as I turned around to face him.

"Ass," I muttered under my breath.

"And you love it!" Sirius muttered back pulling me in for a kiss.

"Your right, I do," I whispered as we took another.

There was a catcall as James, Remus and Peter came out of nowhere.

Peter was looking at us in that creepy worshiping way again. It was starting to piss me off.

"Peter where's your date?" Sirius asked knowing I was getting annoyed with him. Almost as if he could read my mind.

"Uhh well…." He trailed off.

"She's probably in the washroom."

"No…" He started "She left; she had to go to her ballet."

'EW, now that's a disturbing image.' I thought suppressing a shutter. Let's just say Peters date wasn't quite up for a Miss. United Kingdom pageant. The huge boil on her forehead that pussed over a few minuets was… Disgusting.

Sirius had a grin on his face and was obviously suppressing laughter, as was James. Remus had mysteriously vanished. I knew he wasn't that good at holding in laughter. He probably made a trip to the bathroom, to either burst out laughing or puke.

"Well… That's nice. Is she into dancing and all that?" I asked politely. That was obviously the limit for the two guys though. They erupted in merciless laughter as Peter sat there looking confused.

Becca and Lily walked over.

"What are they laughing about now?" Lily asked as Becca rolled her eyes.

"Peter's date does ballet," I explained quickly.

Lily's face stayed straight. Becca's face twitched from amusement to disgust but soon she was back at a straight face.

"What's so funny about that, a lot of girls like ballet, and frankly I think the boil is cool. Remember she said something about having it since birth. That's quite an interesting fact."

The boys howled with laughter while Lily frowned at them. Peter still looked confused.

* * *

**Part 3**

Sirius and I had a beautiful wedding. We decided to have in the Caribbean. Sirius was friends with a guy in the ministry who did the Port Key's then so he got us some to use. We had it on a beach with white tiger lilies everywhere. The sand was warm beneath my feet. I remember it like it was yesterday.

"What's Siri like in bed Ri?" Becca asked like it was an everyday question.

Lily and I turned to her looking stunned.

"Uhhh…" I said with a red face "Good?"

She laughed.

"You've never had it have you?" Becca said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"Shit. I have to do that tonight." I sat with a million questions popping into my head. We HAD never done it. I told him I wanted to wait till we were married. Not that I was afraid to get a child, in the wizarding world there was only a simple spell you had to do after you were done and nothing would happen. I just didn't want to deal with it on top of everything else.

"No shit Sherlock," Lily said shaking her head. "So young, so naïve."

I was now blushing to the roots of my hair.

"You guys scare me," I said seriously.

"Aw come on Riley, you guys are both totally attractive and together you'll be even better," Becca said soothingly.

"Just remember to do the spell after," Lily put in.

I grinned.

"SO, how were your guy's honeymoons?"

"Great!" Becca spilled.

"Yuck, we didn't need to know that Bec," Lily said.

"Come on Lily, you prude," Becca teased.

"Fine mine was amazing. Happy?"

We nodded, laughing.

* * *

Walking down the aisle was one of the scariest things I've ever done. Including fighting Death Eaters and looking at Peter's dates boil. I did it though. 

I was walking down the aisle alone since my father was gone. Those thoughts made tears come to my eyes. I looked up at Sirius as I walked in following Lily and Becca. Sirius was beaming at me with sparks going up in his eyes every time I took a step closer.

It seemed like forever to get down there.

It also didn't help that Sirius was pretty much devouring me with his lovely eyes.

When I finally got up there I slipped my hand into his and gave him an excited beam, to which he returned with a wink.

We stepped up onto the platform where the priest was checking his watch.

"Hem" Sirius murmured.

"Oh yes ------"

He went on with all the normal vows and so on.

-A half a hour later-

"You may now kiss the bride."

Sirius lifted the veil over my head and stepped toward me with a wicked grin playing on his face.

He leaned forward and captured my lips with his and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me up closer to him. I melted into his grip and wrapped my arms around his neck, vaguely hearing the catcalls being thrown at us.

We stayed like that for as long as possible. Which in my mind was an hour, but in reality only like 3 minutes.

We broke away, both smiling like we'd won the muggle's lottery.

"I love you," He whispered in my ear.

"I love you too," I whispered back.

"Want to go have some fun?" He asked with a devilish smirk.

I nodded eagerly.

"Let's go then," He said picking me up and running down the aisle with me in his arms.

-End of Flashback-

No one really understood the connection we had with each other. Then again who would care? I only spent a year or so with him. It flew past like a cheetah on crack. (AN - wouldn't that make it go slower? Lol, sorry back to the story…) we were by no means the "perfect couple". We fought over stupid things, but we'd make-up and are back on the high road after ever stupid little fight. And the most important thing was that we loved each other so much. I knew as soon as I got on that plane heading to where I am today that it was stupid. I was young though. Everything just happened at once and I was crushed with all of it. I will never forget though, because when you forget you lose stuff so important to you, you could never truly live again.

* * *

Hey people, 

Oh, so much fluffy happiness! Too bad it will all end in the chapter to come. MUAHAHAHAH…. Lol, sorry I suck at being evil. Anyways, jezz THAT was a long chapter, VERY long. I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. Thanks for… well I didn't get any reviews for last chapter. I realize however that since I switched the AN's with the new chapter that it doesn't send out a notice though. So yeah, I guess all get back to my real life now. See yah!

PS – Did I go over the limit with the "talk" Lily, Becca and Riley had? I don't really think so but who knows?

PPS – Did I mention that this was 12 fricken pages on word (Editor's Note: it was 20 on mine!)! (AN – Lol, I mixed that up it was 20! Lol)

-Feedback please!-

Luv Nikki


	12. Thoughts of Death

**Thoughts of Death**

Death. The word was so empty. No one can really comprehend how it feels to lose a loved one unless they've gone through it personally. Not many would know how it feels to lose everyone you love either. Dwelling in self pity is stupid though, I've learned that over the course of 15 years. I've also learned that burying yourself in your work or using other means of escape such as drugs and alcohol doesn't make the pain you feel go away either. Some times if you wait for a long time, and you let yourself heal from that loss, the pain subsides a little. You learn to live with what you've got. 15 years ago I had very little and after moving, I swore to myself I would make it out… and with faith and trust in something beyond my control... I still haven't.

-Flashback-

"Sirius we're going to be late!" My voice carried over the grumble of the muggles washing machine I had just started.

"Where's that blue tie that I had placed on the bed?" He yelled back.

"In the wash, it had a horrid stain on it!"

Sirius stocked into the room wearing nothing but his boxer shorts.

"Well now I have nothing to wear," he grumbled, with a flash of amusement in his eyes when I stared at his body suggestively.

"We don't have time remmmemmmber," he said in an annoying sing song voice.

I glared up at him and threw him a red tie.

"This won't go with the blue shirt though."

I handed him a white one.

"There," I stated. "Now hurry up, everyone will be waiting!"

"We still have 10 minutes, relax."

I nodded but moved quickly to get my dress on.

* * *

I smiled down at mini James. Harry James Potter actually, my godson. He gurgled and grabbed onto one of my fingers while laughing.

Sirius came up behind me, leaning his head on my shoulder.

"You sure you guys aren't going to take little Harry?" Sirius asked.

"Unless you want puke all over your dinner, I don't think so," Lily said walking into the room.

"You look lovely dear," James said with an affectionate smile.

"Come on people, fashionably late is one thing, 20 minutes is another. Mom the phone numbers are on the fridge," Lily told her mother ,who was going to be little Harry's babysitter tonight.

"Go on, you guys have a blast!" Lily's mother shooed us out the door. "Harry will be fine with me tonight."

"Will do mom," Lily said hugging her mother good-bye

* * *

We walked into the restaurant, immediately seeing Becca and Remus over to the side, sitting in a table meant for 6. 

"Wow only half an hour late," Remus joked, looking at his none-existent watch.

"Sorry, first Harry up-chucked then Lily had to get dressed then get the phone numbers for her mom."

"That's alright," Becca insisted holding up her hands. "You're here now so sit down and lets get munching!"

So we all sat down and ordered.

"How's mini James anyway?" Remus asked, a smile tugging at him lips. "Last I saw him he was getting a diaper change from James. Seriously that was one of the highest points in my life, seeing James Potter changing his kids 'dippe'."

We all laughed loudly knowing the story by now. Apparently James made a hilarious face when changing the diaper. Remus actually fell on the floor laughing.

"Let's just be thankful it was James and not us that had the first kid," Sirius said smirking at James who was going red in the face from either annoyance or embarrassment. Which, I couldn't tell.

The whole night was filled with talking and laughing over stupid things. We never knew that would be the last time we would be together...

* * *

Sirius and I apparatated home that night and climbed into bed. At 1:00 that morning Sirius shook me awake. 

"Riley", he called as I opened one eye tiredly.

"What?" I grumbled still half asleep.

"We have to go to the Ministry now, I just got an owl, it's urgent." He sounded worried and that was never a good thing, Sirius always took the cool and calm way.

"What's wrong?" I said pulling myself up and changing.

"I don't know, it didn't say, I just have a feeling its not going to be good news."

15 minutes later we were in a room with Becca, Remus and an Auror.

Becca was crying softly while Remus was holding her hand with a depressed look written on his face.

"What happened!" I almost yelled as I quickly rushed over to Becca.

Sirius walked over to Remus quietly and Remus muttered something quietly to Sirius.

"What?" I asked quietly seeing Sirius's face darken.

He came and sat beside me holding my hand.

"Lily's mother was murdered last night."

Terror hit my face.

"Who would do that?" I said shell-shocked.

Sirius gave me a look.

"Oh." Was all I said before a question sprung up in my mind.

"Is little Harry alright!"

"Yes, Lily's mother managed to floo him to Remus and Becca's house before she was murdered."

Pain filled my heart as I realized how Lily must have been taking this. Tears brimmed in my eyes and as hard as I tried to keep them back, they overflowed.

Sirius rubbed my hand and handed me a handkerchief.

"It's alright Ri," he said bringing my chair closer to him. "Lily and James are talking to Dumbledore at this exact moment; Remus said they want me to go over there in a minute. Could you stay here with Becca and Remus?" Concern was laced in his heavy gaze.

"Yes, I'll be fine," I murmured, a bit hurt that Lily didn't ask me to come as well.

"You sure?" Sirius asked tilting my head so I was looking him straight in the eyes.

"Yes," I said truthfully.

He gave me a quick kiss and told the Auror he was leaving, patting my back before he walked out of the room, his dark robe swishing out after him.

* * *

The next few days were absolute hell to say the least. Sirius refused to tell me anything but Lily and James had to go into hiding. When I asked how long he just shook his head with sad eyes. Then finally after the 4th miserable day, he told me. 

"Riley! Don't you understand, I'm their secret keeper! I can't tell you," Sirius said, his voice getting softer with every word. "No matter how much I want to. I owe James a lot, I love you, but he's my best friend. I can't screw this up. I love Lily and James like they were my family, I can't let them down."

I wiped away the tears. "You could have just told me that in the first place, I would have understood."

He gave me a weary smile and a hugged me close to him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered quietly.

"That's alright," I whispered back, feeling content once again.

We lay down on the bed together, both exhausted from fighting when all we wanted was one another.

* * *

We went through the next few weeks trying to sock up as much happiness as possible. This was quite hard as every day there were new attacks. It was crazy out there. We went to countless raids, getting lots of nothing. Then the inevitable happened… 

It was a foul night. I was immensely happy that I didn't have a shift tonight. I glanced at the clock. 11:00 PM, Halloween night. 6 or 7 muggle kids had came to the door wearing some ridicules costumes asking for candy. I of course handed them a stash of my Reese Peanut Butter Cups watching there little faces light up at the sight of chocolate.

The night had been reasonably quiet though, with only the mild sound of muggles firecrackers in the distance.

I feel asleep on the couch with a book in my hand only awoken by the frantic banging sound on the door.

'What the hell?' I thought annoyed. The clock read 4:00 AM.

I sat up feeling a bit nauseous. I started to worry as the banging got louder. 'Was everyone alright?', 'is Sirius okay!' all the unanswered questions made my head hurt.

I ran to the door feeling shaky on my sleepy legs.

I opened the door without thinking and came face to face with Remus.

"Is Sirius okay?" I almost screamed at him "What about everyone else! Is Lily okay! What about James? And Becca, is she alright?"

By then Remus had tears splattered down his shirt.

"James and Lily," was all he got out before banging the door frame with his fist. "Voldemart, he found them!"

The tears were already poring down my face as well, I let out a sob of grief. I opened the door and pulled him in.

"Does Becca know?" I asked quietly.

"No," he sobbed. "I don't have the heart to tell her. Will you Ri? You're strong."

All I could do was shake my head before I heard more banging on my door.

I got up and opened it.

Becca was standing there with a white face filled with horror.

"Riley," was all she got out before fainting on my door step.

Remus and I hulled her in placing her on the couch. We sat on either side of her both too scared and confused to talk.

The next morning I was still awake trying to process the thought when there was a knock on the door, this time it was soft and not so demanding though.

I got up and slowly opened it to find Dumbledore standing there, sympathy lining his old face.

"Miss Black, I'm so sorry about the Potters." Was all he had to say.

I motioned him in, not bothering to talk. He swished his wand and an old cozy looking lazy boy popped up. He sat down, the grave expression not leaving his eyes.

"Someone found out," Remus stated.

"You don't really think…?" I asked with outrage clear in my voice.

"Nooo," Becca stuttered getting what we where talking about, "He would never."

"Now, let's not jump to conclusions," Dumbledore said wisely.

I nodded, feeling sweaty and faint.

"Riley are you alight? You look deadly pale." Becca commented with a worried look.

"I-" But I never finished because I fainted. The world disappeared into blackness as two worried voices shouted out to me.

-

_Sirius was lying on a dirt ground, blood running from his mouth._

_I held him in my arms shaking my head, tears dampening my face._

"_Sirius don't die, don't die! I can't let you die!" I shouted, pulling his almost black hair out of the blood.._

_I heard a distant sound; someone else was shouting too, I wished they'd stop… I just wanted to be alone._

"_Ri?" I looked down . Sirius was alive._

"_Sirius!" I held him tightly, "YOU'RE ALIVE!"_

_The night came back to me._

_My arms fell to my sides as I looked at him with wide eyes._

"_Did you sell Lily and James to Voldemart?" I asked, none of my emotions showing in my voice._

"_Of course not!" He half yelled "How could you even think that Riley!"_

_-_

"Riley? Are you awake?" My eyes flew open.

I was shaking hard and my body was covered in cold sweat. A worried pair of eyes where staring down at me. Becca.

"Becca… Sirius, where is he?"

The look in her eyes grew sad.

"No one has heard from him Ri, I wanted Dumbledore to tell you but I…"She said this in a rushed voice.

"It's alright." I cut her off in a hollow tone.

It wasn't, I was anything but alright.

* * *

Ha! My god, how long has it been...? Over a month that's for sure! I had tones of homework so yeah (Plus I was grounded from the computer for awhile) … it's not an excuse really. I could have started getting up at 3:00 and writing till 5:00… but then I'd be pretty tired so yeah… plus the fact that it's crazy. Lol. I know real writers do it, but I already suffer from a lack of sleep I don't think I need more of that. Anyway I cut this chapter in half because I sort of hate extremely long chapters… like that last one. I should of split that one, damn, but oh well. **Would anyone be interested if I did a sequel to this? **I don't know yet but I have this idea. I'm not going to say anymore than that but I just wondered.

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS!**

Okay. Well I got to go but hope you enjoyed the chapter and all get the next one up ASAP!

Luv Nikki


	13. Thoughts of Giving Up

Thoughts of Giving Up

The days and nights when by with no word from Sirius. Not one. The stress and pressure was enough to kill me. Although by then a part of me was already dead. The darkest part of my life had just started. The part where Lily and James were dead and their beautiful child left with some cranky muggle relatives. Just to see little Harry again would have meant the world to me. Or Becca or even Remus. "No," was Dumbledore's only answer. He had the good grace to say this with sorrow in his eyes, but still the words stung. It was only going to get worse though. I had no way of bracing myself for what was coming…

-Flashback-

"The ministry has banned all Apparatation. It's not even safe to floo anymore." Becca's depressed voice hung in the dreary January air.

It was a Saturday. It should have been a happy day. It was my only day off from work. With the Death Eater attacks being too frequent and horrible, a day off should have meant the world. It didn't. I was having tea with Becca; I would have rather stayed in bed. Becca seemed intent on getting me out though. She was just being a good friend but it was hard to feel happy. The fake smiles I plastered on my face hurt no matter how many happy thoughts floated around in my head.

"Yeah well the country has been in a state of emergency for days now. It's no wonder they're closing everything down. You can hardly go to the wizarding mall with out being worried of attacks. I've taken to going to the muggles' mall now. Its so much nicer when people don't look all depressed and worried."

"Yeah."

A few moments passed. I looked down at her hot coco. It was still full to the brim.

"You haven't touched your coco and you love chocolate what's wrong?" I asked watching her face go pale.

"Uhhh…" She murmured as I raised an eyebrow. "Okay I'll tell you but you can't tell anyone."

I nodded but looked confused.

"Well you see… That coco had baileys in it right?"

I looked at her strangely but nodded again.

"I missed," she whispered in a strangled voice.

"…Huh?" I questioned, when realization dawned on my face.

"YOU'RE PREGNANT?" I pretty much yelped.

"Shut up!" Becca whispered while glaring at me.

"Oh, Sorry. But Seriously! How long?"

"Yes seriously and 2 weeks," She looked down at the tablecloth with worried eyes.

"Bec tell Remus now." Was my only advice.

"I can't, he's on a mission for the Order and it's his full moon in a week. I don't want him to have to go through all that with this on his mind as well."

"Oh… well when he gets better tell him. He HAS to know before you start to show it. Then if you don't he'll think you don't want it or you don't trust him or something."

Becca looked at me lamely, "He's not a girl you know."

"Yeah but Remus is just like that. Very… sensitive."

She glared at me.

I looked at her wearily. I didn't need her mad at me right now. I was already depressed from missing Sirius. I was almost sure he was alive but it still hurt. I was just so caught up in all of it. It drove me nuts not knowing where he was…

"Yeah well, I've got to go to the ministry and then I'm going to St. Mungos to get my next shift done. I'll call you tomorrow and tell you if I've heard anything. You stay strong alright?" Becca said, patting my arm as she got her stuff together.

"Alright, see you." I voiced back, drinking the rest of my hot coco in one big gulp and waving my friend goodbye.

* * *

I got in my tiny apartment about 7 Pm and was exhausted. Even the easy days were getting to be hard on me. After they hadn't heard from Sirius for almost 3 month I was forced to sell our roomy flat and move into a smaller one. It was all right. I didn't like sleeping in a huge apartment with no one else anyway. Becca had asked me to stay with them but I couldn't… I valued my independence too much. 

"Hey Maybells." I greeted my dark haired kitten with weary eyes. Becca had given it to me to keep me company. I really wished Sirius would come home; he'd be a bit annoyed at the cat at first. I knew he would grow to love her though, just as I had. It would be amusing watching him in his animagus form chasing the little kitten around.

A reluctant ghost of a smile appeared on my face. I crawled under the covers and switched off the light.

* * *

At 3:00 in the morning I got up, feeling a strange grumbling sensation. Almost like something bad had happened and my body was trying to warn me. I got up and went straight to the muggles phone beside my rocking chair that was beside the window. It was just a matter of time till someone knocked on the door and revealed what it was that was making me feel so ill. I didn't have to wait long. A ministry owl pecked on the window. I let it in and took the letter. 

The scroll on the letter was sharp and dark.

'Dear Miss Black,

We request your presence for questioning in the disappearance of Rebecca Grates.

Sincerely A. Peterson

From The Department of Missing People

I read the letter twice through.I had just talked to Becca yesterday. How could she disappear in that amount of time?

* * *

Never the less I flooed there to find Remus with a blanched face while an Auror questioned him.I sat outside the interrogation room watching Remus and the man.I heard sobbing as the door to the office opened. In came Miss. Grates with Mr. Grates patting her back and trying his best to stay non emotional. The secretary glanced at her sympathetically, and offered them some coffee. A few moments laterI was called in as Remus was leaving.I patted him on the back and went in.

"Miss Black when was the last time you saw Miss Grates?"

"About 3:30 yesterday afternoon."

"Did she seem depressed or suicidal?"

"No!" I pretty much yelled.

"Do you know if she was involved with the Death Eaters at all?"

"You're asking me if my best friend was a Death Eater. Shit no! She's one of the nicest people I know."

"Miss Grates are you aware that the last time she was seen was battling with 3 known Death Eaters."

I turned white with fear. Had they got Becca too?

"No," I stuttered feeling faint again.

The auror pushed on, "Was there any reason a Death Eater would want to keep her hostage, did she have any inside information?"

"Not to my knowledge, she knew Lily and James Potter who were hiding from You-know-Who, they where found out though and are no longer living."

The auror scanned my face trying to detect any lies.

"Your free to go Miss. Black, send in the parents will you?"

I nodded at him swiftly trying to keep my irritation down to a minimum. Who did he think he was calling the elder Grates 'the parents' like they where scum on his shoe. Stupid heart-less bastard.

I walked out and tapped Mr. Grates on the shoulder.

"I'm so sorry about this Mr. Grates. I'll do anything to help find Becca. The auror wants to talk to you now though."

"Thank you Riley, we appreciate it." I shook his hand and patted Mrs. Grates on the shoulder and flooed home.

* * *

I couldn't get to sleep that night. Two friends dead, one friend missing and one husband missing. I had an enormous headache as I sat on the rocking chair looking out at the half moon that shone over the flats and houses. I looked around the room contemplating what I would do with it. I couldn't leave it like this. The walls were a boring beige color. It was clean, just not interesting or creative. At all. 

I didn't know what I was doing thinking about interior design at a time like this. I should be on the bed balling my eyes out. I wasn't though. I couldn't. When I started to cry it meant that what was happening was actually true. All the misfortune and grief that had hit my life, there was no escaping it. I wasn't one for suicidal thoughts but some times you can help but want it all to go away.

The kitten crawled up my leg and onto my lap. The heat was on full blast but I still felt chilled to the bone. I slipped on an extra sweater and picked up a book. It was gong to be a long uneventful night.

There was a quiet knocking sound. An owl was tapping on the glass window as I sleepily opened it and let the poor freezing thing in. There were three words printed on it

"I don't rat."

I looked it over again and again. The parchment was old and the words looked as if they had been written fast as if they were rushed for time.

Sirius was my immediate thought. The words where jumbled though… I knew Peter's animagus form was a rat… but what did that have to do with anything? Maybe it was from Becca… I didn't know whether she was alive or not though. Even so, why would she send something like that?

My mind was reeling with nonsense thoughts about everything even remotely connected to that fraise. 'I don't rat'. I was almost sure there was a hidden meaning behind it all. I couldn't bring myself to the answer. It was on the tip of my tongue.

-End of Flashback-

If only I knew.

* * *

Hey People!

This is sort of a weird chapter; it's connected to the last one it just has a different name because I hate doing that 'part 1' and 'part 2' stuff. It's just so unoriginal. I think I said something earlier about Becca going missing a few days after she told Riley about the baby. I changed it a bit as you can see. If you have a problem with that or bother to review me about it you are clearly an insane perfectionist. **There isn't much romance and stuff in this chapter, don't worry there'll be lots by the end!** Anyway I'd like to thank the reviewers! You people are seriously the best! Lol. I love getting reviews! Also if anyone can recommend a good fic I'd love to read it. Whether it's yours or someone else's I love reading fanfic's almost as much as I love writing them! I'll update ASAP.

Luv Nikki

P.S. - Sorry If this chapter was a little on the short side. I wanted to get something new out though!


	14. Thoughts of Leaving the Past Behind

Hey SAD chapter ahead! Sorry last one! (There is going to be 1 or 2 more chapters this is just the last really non-romantic, more drama and tragedy one.)

Thoughts of Leaving the Past Behind

I remember the plane, the plane that took me to where I am now. The ride was long and seemed never ending. In a way it was. I was still on that plane, still contemplating my past and my future. My present was non-existent when I was on the plane. I didn't want to believe that I had lost it all, that I was running away from the problems, running away from my life. Fortunately or unfortunately – your past has a way of coming back to haunt you.

-Flashback-

"My cousin really liked you."

"Really?"

"Yup! He talked about you ALL the time; seriously he L-O-V-E loved you!"

I was now having a conversation with a very hyper Nymphadora Tonks. She was around 13 years old and her appearance changing was constant. Her mother Andromeda had the 'Black' beauty. She reminded me a lot of Sirius. Her father was Ted (a muggle), who had died in a Death Eater attack 2 years ago.

"I tried to get her to see a special Healer about it, but Dora is just quite the handful and the healer wouldn't put up with her bouncing around."

"Mommmm its Tonks! I hate that stupid name you insist on calling me!"

"Shush dear I'm talking to Aunty Riley."

She walked away grumbling.

I was visiting Andromeda for two reasons. One: to find out if she had heard anything from Sirius and two because I needed someone to talk to. She of course invited me over and was quite friendly.

"Dear I haven't heard anything from Sirius. I just hope that poor boy hasn't gone off and killed himself. He is quite the adventurer. These days though just bring more and more death. It's so depressing. I don't know how you're dealing with this dear. I know how I felt after Ted passed. It wasn't a pretty sight let me tell you."

I nodded in understanding.

"Do you want some tea dear? You look awfully pale."

"No thank you Andromeda," I yawned feeling exhaustion take over me. "I think I'm going to head home soon, I'm feeling tired."

"Well alright. But remember you can always stay here if you don't feel like doing back to your flat."

"No I need a good nights sleep. Maybe I'll fell better in the morning."

"I do hope so. If I hear anything from him I'll send for you right away though."

I didn't need to ask who 'him' was, unfortunately I already knew.

* * *

I took a taxi back to the apartment. It was the same cold, depressing place I had left hours ago. I sat on the same rocking chair I had every other night, with my book in my hands, and I prayed. To whatever was up among all those stars, that things would change.

* * *

The next day I woke up with a goal. To do whatever it took to find my friends and solve the 'I don't rat' mystery.

I glared at my reflection in the compact mirror as I suited up in my best robe and took off.

I knocked on Remus's door and waved as he opened the door.

"Riley!" He said, obviously not expecting me.

I nodded "Hello Remus, I need some advice…"

He looked confused but answered, "Do you want to come in?"

* * *

I got back to my flat, tired as hell. I had been to the ministry, 3 suspected Death Eaters houses, and had a visit with one Death Eater at Azkaban, and it had gotten me nowhere.

I lay down in my chair and stared at the off-white colored ceiling. It was getting dark out. My mugggles phone rung. Totally out of the blue I picked it up.

There was a muffled voice and the connection was broken.

I stared questionably at the phone and placed it down on the receiver. I drifted off into sleep not knowing that was the last time I'd ever hear from my loved one.

* * *

The next morning was like every one I'd had since Sirius was gone. I got up, had a quick breakfast and headed to work.

When I got there it was a different story.

I walked into the phone booth, said my name quickly, and heard the clatter of the elevator as it whisked me off to the 4th floor. 'Auror expertise'. I got off the elevator and smiled as a man from my apartment glanced at me. He continued moving and suddenly stopped and swiveled around. Looking at me with a paling face he turned back and walked down the hall quickly. I was weirded out. 'What the hell…' I thought. I continued walking down the hall and passed a few people. Some of the women were giving me sympathetic looks, some looked scared, the men all looked hardened and even a bit afraid. By the time I got to my office I was extremely confused. What had happened? Why were people giving me weird looks?

I opened the door to my office trying to shove everything to the back of my mind. I was at work, and I was a professional. I didn't have time to worry; I couldn't worry. Something was dreadfully wrong though, I was sure of that.

I walked into my office. There where a few scattered gasps and people where all moving back.

"What's going on?" I almost yelled.

There was an urgent tap on my back.

I turned around to find Remus with a balanced face and some ministry officials.

My mouth hung open.

"Ma'am, could you please join us in the questioning room. We have quite a few of them right now. Questions that is."

The guy looked evil with his shiny glasses and classic smirk. Like he was putting a Death Eater away for good.

"Alright sir, but really what is this all about?"

Remus tried to answer but the guy interrupted him.

"Your husband is being accused of murder among other things. He's going to Azkaban. For a LONG, LONG time."

I felt a hundred knives stab me in the heart at that moment. The pain was excruciating, almost more than my parent's death. But at least with my parents I knew they were going to a better place. Not Sirius though. Azkaban was hell in the worst sense of it. Questions, questions and more questions, the more I thought about it the more I realized that I wasn't dreaming. It was real. I stared wide-eyed at the man that had just ruined my life.

I almost felt the color drain out of my face and I stepped forward feeling dizzy and uncoordinated. I was cold… freezing really. My palms grew sweaty; I looked down. They were turning blue! I felt myself fall into unconsciousness. No one caught me.

* * *

I woke up in the hospital with Remus peering at me from the side of my bed.

"Are you alright?" He choked out.

"Yes." I groaned looking at the needle pressed into my skin.

"Sorry about Howard. I tried to tell him to throw this onto of you with everything that's going on. I tried to make him let me tell you but he's just such a bastard sometimes."

I nodded feeling everything come back to me.

""What did he do?" I questioned looking at the white wall on the other side of the room and wished I could throw something against it.

So Remus told me. He was as sincere as a guy who had just probably lost his wife could be. I nodded, taking everything in. I didn't cry because I was beyond it. I was a sole trapped in a robots body. I could only do what my brain said to do and under no circumstances was I ever to use my heart again.

(A/N- if you have it play, "Jet - Look What You've Done" the song right now. It goes good with the story. Plus I was listening to it while I wrote this part! Lol. Love music, its so inspiring )

I slept threw the next day, and the day after that. I answered the Auror's questions and cooperated when they searched my flat and then, I packed.

I put everything I had into 4 suitcases and all my clothes into another. I picked up all my money from Gringott's wizard bank in Diagon Alley and closed my account. I shredded every paper that would show where I was going. I sent a goodbye note to Remus telling him to tell Sirius that I loved him and I just needed to get away from England for a while.

I climbed on the plane sneaking one last look at my homeland and trying to forget everything that had happened. I was going to have a new life, one where I wasn't tortured by the things I had seen in the past. My stomach felt sick and my intestines twisted. My head was on the verge of being ripped in half. I felt like shit.

A tear dropped to my hand, as the muggles plane descended into the air.

End of Flashback

I left everything behind, not my martial belongings, but my emotional. And Sirius.

* * *

Hey People, 

If you missed it, she was in shock when her finger was turning blue and stuff. Anyway I went into shock once, it was really scary…lol I thought it was a cool personal touch. Sorry if it was a short chapter but I REALLY wanted to get to the good stuff. It was totally depressing writing this chapter! Fun, but depressing. Weird combo ay? Well I'll get the next chappy up ASAP!

Luv Nikki

**Sooo did you like the chapter? Was it way too sad? Or really crappy? Give me the 'dish' in your review! **(Sorry can't help but use dumb slang words in my notes! Lol.)

Luv Nikki


	15. Thoughts of Regret and Return

**Thoughts of Regret and Return**

**-**

So here I am now; 15 years past.

In a house that's too big for one person,

With the same cat I've had for years,

And the same thoughts and memories.

Tears stung my eyes and my vision blurred. I held up the newspaper and looked in the eyes of the only one I knew could really help me.

His dark hair had grown long and tangled; he looked as if he needed a shower and some good dental work. His eyes though, they looked as if they'd lost their flame. Lost hope was the only phrase I could think of to describe that look. He was still Sirius though; the same one I had known all those years ago.

I knew what I had to do. It wasn't going to be easy, but for closure, I needed to do it. My heart had started up for what had probably been the first time, in a long time.

The sensation I got in my gut wasn't really anything new. I hadn't felt that in years but I had felt it before.

Before I knew it I had the muggles telephone in my hand. Dialing the numbers swiftly I heard the 3 rings. Then something I needed to hear for a long time –

"Travel Fun UK, this is Alice how may I help you?"

"1 ticket to London please."

* * *

The plane ride was yet again, hell.

Between the lovely sessions with my paper hurling bag and gravol that I used to pass myself out twice, I was feeing pretty good about the decision.

Even plane sickness wasn't enough to stop me. Although that wasn't really too much to go on considering I was drugged up and not especially sane during the flight there.

There where quite a few questions floating around my head too…

What if he hates me?

What if he never wanted to see me again?

What if he punches me?

Then I decided to make a truce with myself. I would go and check on him. I wouldn't even talk to him if I didn't want to. I'd just check on him. A plan was already formulating in my head. I had to stop at Diagon alley first though.

I wondered how Maybells was holding up in the cargo section as the plane descended from the air. I held up my paper bad and braced myself.

* * *

"How may I help you mam?"

"Hi, I was just looking for some polyjuice potion?"

"Oh, over here," The shop owner said leading me over to a dimmed corner and pulling out two bottles. One looked to be the size of a coke and the other was 2 litres.

"We have two sizes, regular or supreme?" he questioned looking bored.

"I'll take two of the smaller ones," I said quietly pointing to the coke sized one.

"Okay then."

He put them on the counter, "That will be 5 gallons please."

I put the change on the counter and waited while he rung it up.

"Now the wizarding law states I have to ask you why you need this but for you I'm guessing its just wanting to make sure your husband isn't cheating or something. Am I right?" He asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"Oh… yah sure."

He nodded with a boyish grin and gave me the bottle and receipt.

"Bye," I said with a twisted smile as I walked out of the shop.

I needed to get groceries so I decided to hit the supermarket.

It was busy as always, and this was the muggles one! I picked up some stuff and went to wait in the line when I looked over. I almost fainted when I saw dark hair covering a handsome face and a slightly built upper body although still slim. The grin that had been on my face faded.

I immediately went to the washroom. Pulling the door open I locked myself in a stall. Taking the bag I took out the bottle. Scanning the label I threw my hair back into a bun and ripped the cap off. Taking the bottle up to my nose I sniffed scrunched up my nose and drank. Two mouthfuls and I paused. It was disgusting tasting! If I hadn't been in such a shock I would have spit it out.

Swallowing the last mouthful I felt an unusual feeling in my chest. My skin felt like it was going to fall off and a burning chill went threw my spine.

My head started to throb and the washroom felt as if it where shaking or spinning or something! I almost blacked out but managed to keep my ground. Feeling nervous I walked out. I looked in the mirror. Ah! I looked exactly like the girl in front of me on the plane. I had managed to pluck a hair from the top of her head. I was now a bleach blond bimbo! I laughed in the mirror and pretended to check my hair as an old lady came in.

She glared at me as I snickered.

I went out searching heads for Sirius. I was sure I had seen him!

I scanned the crowed with my eyes again finding nothing I huffed and moved myself into a line. I stared at the salad in my cart and tapped my foot irritably against the floor. The line was long. I was at the end of it. My heart was beating rather loudly in my chest as I heard someone pull up behind me. I glanced back and felt my knees go weak. This was not a good idea, I decided that now, but it was too late. I could feel the energy drifting off him.

"Long line hey." He said looking at me curiously.

"Yes, very long." I managed to choke out wondering what he'd done with women all the time I'd been gone. Of course he'd been in prison for most of that time…

"God, this is going to sound weird. Your eyes though, they totally remind me of someone, I just can't figure out who," Sirius almost whispered.

I felt extremely light headed; I couldn't do this! I looked up at him and felt my eyes sting from holding back the tears. I turned abruptly and leaving my grocery cart, I ran.

I heard him call me asking for my name. I just couldn't do it though. I ran all the way to the other side of the store and quickly took a back entrance.

* * *

The clouds were still gray and it looked as if it was going to rain. I didn't feel much like apparating so I walked to the nearest tube entrance. (_A/N -Underground train in England, think that's what there called anyway? Sorry I don't live there… I did go when I was 5 though! Lol._)

The rain started coming down, first in small drip-drops then it poured. I slipped into an alleyway and conquered up an umbrella. The tube was crowded and there was this funky smell floating around. I held my nose as a train stopped. Climbing on I sat down beside an elderly woman.

"You look sad," the lady commented.

I looked over and smiled bleakly.

"Yes well I can't really help it."

"I'm sure it'll get better. Life always does, whenever you feel you've hit rock bottom, there's always something."

"Thanks, I hope it goes that way. Life would be so much easier if it did."

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have now reached Manchester, please get off if this is your stop." A ladies voice boomed out of the speakers.

"This is my stop," The lady sighed, "goodbye."

She got up and limped off the train with a small smile in my direction.

* * *

I got back to my apartment and changed out of my wet clothes. Putting on some dry ones I decided to go visit Remus. He'd probably want me to talk to Sirius but I didn't know if I could after that.

* * *

Ringing Remus' doorbell I waited. Maybe he had moved…? No I reassured myself. It said in the phonebook that he still lived here. I heard the lock being opened and a head stuck out.

He didn't seem too surprised to see me. Opening the door a friendly smile peeked out.

"Hello Riley, come on in." He held open the door and took my coat.

"Hi Remus." I choked out.

"I'll go make some tea; you can go sit in the living room if you like…" Remus gestured to a cozy room with a comfy looking couch.

5 minutes later he came in with a tray of tea and biscuits.

"Anything to eat?" he inquired.

"Nope, tea's fine."

He sat down in the chair across from me.

"Where did you go?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"What does it matter, I was away from here, away from where I was needed and where I should have been."

"Yeah but I tried for months to find you, you must have burned all the paperwork."

"Oh yes, build a bone fire with it all." I snickered.

He chuckled, "You're a smart witch to be able to move and not have anyone know where you went."

"Muggles transportation is scary these days," I stated with a cheeky grin.

"Ohh so that's how the mastermind did it?" He laughed.

"Yep." I nodded.

A few minutes passed as we sipped our tea.

"Why did you do it?" Remus now had a serious tone to his voice.

"I don't know. I just needed to get away."

…

"Every time I went there he asked for you, every time." He said in a hollow tone.

"I know," I looked at my shoes, ashamed that I'd let him down when he needed me.

"He loved you, hell Riley! He still love's you!" I stared into my tea, watching the colors swirl around.

"I let you leave one time with out him; I'm not going to put my best friends through that again. By best friends I mean him AND you. As terrible as it was, you should have stayed."

"Damn Remus! I know it was wrong and stupid! I was 19 though! What do you expect? My friends were all dying!"

"I expected you to be there for him, because no matter how much hell you were going through; he was going through more."

"I know." I had never seen Remus angry. He sure as hell was now though.

"Okay Riley. You are going to speak to him. And not with that stupid polyjuice potion either!"

My head snapped up.

He grinned at little, "Sirius told me about the incident at the grocery store. Figured it was you, blond though? Ha you'd look funny as a blond."

"Thanks for the support," I growled in mocking way.

"Mhm" was all he said taking out what looked to be a phone book.

"I'm calling Sirius."

I looked over at him, shocked.

"No. Not now, I'm… I'm smelly!"

He raised an amused eyebrow.

"Smelly?"

"Yes, I haven't taken a bath since 2 days ago."

He looked ill to his stomach, "Ri, That is seriously disgusting. Go use my bathroom and take a LONG shower. I'll take care of the dress."

"What dress?"

"Go!"

* * *

I emerged from the bathroom in a fluffy pink towel.

"That's not mine is it?" Remus asked looking at the towel.

"Ah! Get out!" I shrieked in annoyance.

"Relax!" He smirked, "Sirius told me everything there is to know about your body anyway."

A disgusted look crossed over my face.

"Ewww! You perv!" I said throwing him out of the room.

He laughed on the other side of the doorway, "What? We had to discuss something on those long boring visits."

I choked on a laugh and looked over at the bed that had a dress on it. The dress was beautiful; had a silky dark purple base with black lace over, the top was halter with a plunged neckline.

"There is NO way I'm wearing this!" I yelled.

"You better! That dress cost more than my work suit!"

"I'll look like I'm going to some really slutty wedding!"

"In that case, go nude!"

I glared at the door and put a noise blocker around the room.

"Ass," I muttered as I pulled the dress on.

* * *

I tapped my foot against the ground and passed the hall.

"Remus! Get your skinny-ass down here!

10 minuets later he came down in his pajamas throwing me the key, which I didn't even catch. I was stunned.

'What. The. Hell." I questioned staring open mouthed at him.

He laughed evilly, "You thought I was going with you?"

"Well… yeah."

He laughed louder.

"Sorry Hun, but he's all yours."

"What will I say?" I blurted out and went beet red in embarrassment when he turned to look at me sharply.

"Hmm I don't know. You could start by apologizing?"

I shook my head, still in semi-embarrassment.

"Okay then where am I going?"

He slid a piece of paper over to me and smirked when I scanned it. Flushing I nodded.

"Did you tell him I was coming?"

"Nope, he thinks this is my first random attempt at setting up on a blind date."

"Oh," was all I said before tucking the paper in my clutch and opened the door.

"Hey Ri!" He called when I was half way out the door.

I turned around with a cocked eyebrow, "eh?"

"Good luck, you look awesome. Sirius will approve." And with that he shut the door, the wood almost colliding with my nose.

I grumbled and went on my way.

* * *

Hey!

This is the second last chapter I think! I've decided I will do a sequel, although I don't know how long it will be. I'm trying to think up a title now… so review if you have an idea! Hope you liked it; next chapter will be up ASAP! Beware of sappiness to come. Lol. :)

THIS CHAPTER DETICATED TO ALL MY REVIEWRS & MY BETA!

3

Luv Nikki


	16. Thoughts of Reconnection

Thoughts of Reconnection

-

Everytime We Touch – Cascada

I still hear your voice,  
When you sleep next to me.  
I still feel your touch,  
in my dreams.  
Forgive me my weakness,  
But I dont know why,  
Without you it's hard to survive

'Cause every time we touch,  
I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss,  
I swear I can fly  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,  
I want this to last,  
Need you by my side  
'Cause every time we touch,  
I feel the static,  
And every time we kiss,  
I reach for the sky,  
Can't you hear my heart beat so,  
I can't let you go,  
I Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle,  
Your heart is my sky.  
They wipe away tears that I've cried  
The good and the bad times,  
We've been through them all.  
You make me rise when I fall..

'Cause every time we touch,  
I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss,  
I swear I can fly  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,  
I want this to last,  
Need you by my side  
'Cause every time we touch,  
I feel the static,  
And every time we kiss,  
I reach for the sky,  
Can't you hear my heart beat so,  
I can't let you go,  
I Want you in my life.

'Cause every time we touch,  
I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss,  
I swear I can fly,  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,  
I want this to last,  
Need you by my side.

-

I unpinned my dark, almost black, hair and let it fall around my face. Remus had assured me it looked better pinned up but it just felt too formal. As much as I wanted to see him I was seriously doubting my decision. I had even tried getting my polyjuice potion back.

-Flashback-

I snuck up the stairs after he had closed the door. Placing my ear to the door I smirked, whispered 'alohamora' and twisted the knob.

There was a tug at the other end and I fell over.

I stared up at Remus with guilty eyes.

"Well you see I left umm my umm…"

"Rylie Jane Camilla Black, get your ass to that hotel! NOW. You have reservations."

I sighed in defeat. "Fine!"

-End of Flashback-

I glanced up at the hotel. It was one of those huge ones that had a fancy restaurant on the main floor.

'Star-Hills Hotel' flashed at the top of the building. I walked up the staircase to the doors. There were couples everywhere, all were laughing and talking. Overall just making me feel rather detached and sick to my stomach.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and pushed at the door. It didn't open. I looked down. 'Pull' was written across it. My face went red as the people behind me glared, some coughing in disapproval.

Chuckling nervously I pulled the door open and went inside.

In the hall was a big sign that directed me over to the restaurant. I smiled vaguely at the receptionist.

"Reservations under Black?" I inquired.

She tapped on the keys of the muggles computer for a minute before smiling up at me.

"Thank you for dining with us tonight Miss Black. If you'll just wait over there I'll get your special reservations ready." And with a rather creepy grin, she walked off.

I went to sit down at the waiting couches, wondering what in the world Remus had planned that could be classified as 'special reservations'. The lady next to me glanced at my dress and stuck her nose up in distaste. I almost rolled my eyes at how snobby people could be. It's not like I was flashing everyone.

* * *

I tapped my heel on the ground. It had been 5 minutes and the receptionist was still gone! What could possibly take that long? 

"Miss Black?" I looked up from interesting piece of wood flooring I had been staring at to the receptionist almost radiating happy face. "Your special reservations are ready."

I nodded not really caring.

I was too consumed with thoughts of Sirius and how he'd react when he saw me. The outside world didn't matter while I was thinking of him.

She led me to an opening and down a long hallway. There was a door every once and awhile. She stopped at an elevator and pressed the up button.

"So this must be a special night for you?" She questioned.

"Yes." I responded quietly climbing on the elevator after the doors opened.

We rode up one story and got off. She led me down one hall way to the next. Finally we stopped at a door. She took a card out and slashed it across an electronic locking device and the door clicked open.

I sucked in some air as she pushed the door in.

I smirked as I looked into the room. It was a candle light dinner in a private room; there was a table in the middle of the room with a red rose in the middle of all of it. I flushed slightly when I saw the door off to the side.

"Where does that door go?"

"Your very own suite." The lady answered with a knowing smile.

I nodded, "Um. I'm expecting someone obviously... does he know to come here or will you be directing him?"

"I'll be directing him here."

"Okay."

"If you need anything there's an intercom on the side wall, just press the blue button and it'll put you through to our door services."

"Thank you." I replied, she smiled yet again and closed the door.

I sat down in the chair and put my head in my hands.

"What have I got myself into?" I muttered as I banged my head against the table that was so nicely set. "God, I should've just stayed where I was alone."

My breath caught as I felt someone's breath on my ear.

"No you shouldn't have." The someone whispered in my ear, "I wanted you, you know. Every night in that prison cell I'd think of you."

The owner of the voice had his hands on my shoulders, rubbing away the stiffness and making shivers go up my back.

"I love you Riley Black." With that he turned my chair around so I was facing him.

I couldn't help the devilish smirk that came to my face as I looked into his eyes.

He tipped my chair to the table making my legs go up. He leaned down almost touching my lips but not quite.

"I missed you." I whispered in a serious voice before connecting my lips with his and pouring in whatever frustration he had over those 15 year into it. He lifted me up as I wrapped my legs around his torso. Pulling him as close as I possibly could I kissed him, never wanting to let go again.

He walked over to the suite door and kicked it in. Throwing me on the bed he crawled over. Pinning me to the bed he grinned in a mischievous way down at me.

"Ah Mr. Black your looking particularly devilish tonight I hope you're not up to anything?" I asked giving him a mock questioning look.

"Absolutely not Miss Black," he said bending over me, 'What do you say we save the dinner for later and work on the dessert now?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Well I think that's a rather wonderful idea Mr. Black." I stated pulling him down on top of me.

* * *

I snuck out of the bed room and hit the intercom button. 

"Yes?" a voice answered.

"Uh, could I have some more of those delicious strawberries?"

"They'll be up in a minute."

"Thanks." I hit the intercom button again and made sure it was turned off.

"What are you doing walking around in your knickers?" Sirius asked mockingly.

I turned to grin at him.

"Getting some of those strawberries you seem to be quite fond of."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The door bell rang interrupting the conversation I knew was bound to happen sometime.

I got my kimono and sat down at the table while Sirius brought the strawberries in.

He sat down at the other end.

I stared down at the table seeming very interested in the spork at that moment.

"Rylie?" Sirius questioned. I nodded and looked up, tears in my eyes.

"Don't cry," he said softly coming over as I slid onto the soft plushy carpet. Leaning against the wall he sat beside me.

We sat there for 10 minutes, just happy in each others company.

"Sirius?" I voiced.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"I'm sorry."

He looked over at me while I stared at the carpet, if I looked at him I knew I would cry.

He tilted my head up to meet his eyes.

"We've cried enough, I love you, and I don't care what happened 15 years ago because whatever you felt you had to do, I was with you the entire time."

I shook my head, "I should have supported you."

"You did. Every time I felt myself drift I always remembered you and I felt better. Even If you weren't there, you were with me inside and I couldn't have asked for more. You came back and that's the only thing that really matters."

I nodded, still looking into his eyes, the pools of grey shining with affection of the deepest kind.

"I love you so much right now," I finally got out what I was thinking the entire time.

He smiled and hugged me close to him, where I felt most secure and safe. Better than I had in 15 years. I felt complete to the point where I just never wanted to be alone again, always with him.

My face lit up as I realized I would never have to be back like that again. I was truly free now. Funny that when I was alone I felt like nothing but now I realized maybe that was because I was missing apart of myself that I gave away back in 1st year.

My whole life so far was based on really good times or really bad times. Hopefully I could make a time where I felt just regular, almost normal. I doubted my life would be perfectly normal all the time but just to know what normal was would be a thrill.

* * *

Hey people! 

It's done! YAY! Hee… hope you liked it! Not totally sure if I like the ending or not… . Was that sappy or what? Sounded like a soap opera a bit didn't it? Sorry for that, but I think it was alright. I'll get the sequel out as soon as I can! Don't worry her life won't be heading to normal town quite yet… :P. Well see yah…

Oh

THANK YOU REVIEWRS! MY BETA! and everyone that supported this story.

Luv Nikki


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